With the likes of BuzzFeed, Cracked, Yahoo, The Huffington Post etc. seemingly replacing real journalism with do nothing lists, which are meant to attract readers who think they relate to the material. Sadly The Journal, an Irish ‘News’ Site seems to do this shit daily usually with an Irish angle. It’s dirty, shameful business and so of course I’m going to hop all over this.
So here’s my list of 10 Things Only An Asshole would do:
10.) Sometimes you open and close, pushing feces out and occasionally having objects and appendages forcefully rammed inside you, if so you’re an asshole. That one is to appeal to the young teenage crowd, they are mad for literal humor (meta comedy) and anal sex
9.) Do you ever walk around in Public holding your phone flat in front of you, either talking on speaker phone or using the speech to text feature? You’re an asshole.
8.) Have you never worked in retail or service and at the same time have complained to somebody in retail or service whilst using the words “unacceptable”, “I demand” , “I want to speak to your manager”. If so, you’re an asshole.
7.) Do you have a few in the pub and then take the side roads home? If so, you’re an asshole.
6.) Do you speak hatred of trashy celebrities such as Jedward? Do you click on links to news stories about them? Watch shows they are on? Or listen to radio channels that play their music? Then you’re an asshole!
5.) Have you ever pissed on somebody’s door, wall or gate? Hey, you’re an asshole
4.) Do you wear a Hoody, T-Shirt, Tank Top or any piece of clothing with the name of a college on it? You’re an asshole.
3.) Have you ever travelled abroad on your parents money and then neglected to state this when telling others about your time living in a house with four or five other people, making shit money. When you are living off your parents but portraying yourself as some sort of working class hero, you’re an asshole.
2.) Have you ever taken out a guitar at a house party? You’re an asshole!
1.) Have you ever decided to make a top 10 list because it’s the softest and easiest form of writing possible? Then you’re an asshole. Yes, I’m an asshole. Hey Journal.ie, stop your bullshit now! ASSHOLES!