Steve vs The Cats

I am sick to fuck of these two asshole cats in the estate I live in. I swore twice in the opening sentance which is against all writing rules but im so pissed off that I tore up the blogging rule book before starting this…that book is fucked in half. Fuck.

So at any time of the day that I go outside to throw out the rubbish or go for a smoke or basically do anything outside the house there are two asshat cats that hang around the general area waiting to strike. I assume my idiot ex-housemate decided to feed the filthy bastards (probably her own way of cleaning up after herself…clown) and they now just associate this house and the one next door as a kitchen or something? Im not quite sure.

It all started a few weeks ago when I heard unholy noises coming from outside the window. I looked outside to see a cat on the ground crying. I felt bad for the diseasebag so I closed the window so it could suffer in peace. Much to my surprise it had a tag and sure enough the next day I noticed it with its owner at a house down the road. I thought nothing of it until the next night when that same cat tried to climb in the window after smelling my food late at night. I like to keep the windows open and that cat knew it. I once again passed it off as a hungry cat and moved on with my life.

Ever since then this cat has been staring at me and causing me immense hardship at most times of the day. The bastard hangs around trying to get at my sweet sweet food and for the most part the little shit has been unsuccessful…until he recruited. There is a second cat that has no qualms about running in and out of the house. I have seen this cat run in and out of my hallway now on three occasions including just a few minutes ago.

This little shit is tiny black cat that has the balls to come into my house whenever he sees fit. It has gotten to the stage where I have to get my keys and close the door when I take out the bins so that he doesnt run in. He is also collered so he has an owner and it turns out it is the same lady from down the street. She is now my mortal enemy…and also that of my neighbours who I asume are chin deep in cat bastards as well. It is very startling to walk in your front door to see a friggin cat staring at you before running under your legs to get out. Not cool. I walk outside and check to see if either of the fuckers are about and when I turn my back the Batman one is inside soaking up my sweet shelter and warmth. Get your own stuff you asshole cat!!!

I dont blame the cats really. It is the owners fault. Why are these cats allowed to roam the streets late at night seaching for handsome mens houses to run in to? Has my legendary status made its way from the females of Galway to the Felines of Galway? That must be it.

But I have had it with them. I walked out to drop a bag into the bin and I turned around to see the black cat standing on the doorstep, flaunting his continued success right in my stupid face…I respected him for it. To be fair to Batman Cat he didnt go in. Perhaps out of pure mercy he has given up on our wicked game of one-upsmanship. Is that how that is spelled and laid out? I dont care actually…there are at least two cats in Forster Court that are smarter than me and one that sees no further sport in challenging me so if I mess that up and it bothers me I have more problems than I thought.

I know for a fact that one of my neighbours has a similar problem, he actually found one of them sitting on the roof of his car in the morning. He was licking himself, displaying his power over us. What a prick.

So outside of going down to the house the owners live in and complaining (which I could never do) I have to live with this shit until they die or speed up that process. While I would never harm a defenceless animal my patience is being tested to a degree I have never experienced before. Maybe I should give one of them a good kick when they attempt to run in the door and let the message spread throughout the animal kingdom. Steve is not to be messed with.

Help me
Steve

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About thecityfathers

We sit around all day stroking our beards, clucking our tongues and discussing what's to be done with this Homer Simpson
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