So here is the latest “Ohhh we love our customers, let’s make life sooo much easier for you!” marketing bullshit infecting my brain. When I see ads aimed at making businesses look like saints and heroes here to save us from our dreary lives by spending money in their stores I get sick in my own mouth. It’s such a load of horseshit.
They straight out claim to make your life easier by offering you whatever latest bollocks they come up with…whether you want it or not. My favourite one is the McDonalds one. “We have an in-store (not restaurant…store?) host or hostess to help you and your family with your orders and take care of your children” No I am paraphrasing there but that is the basic jist, and to be fair I have seen these hosts but what happens when more than one family shows up?! Do they panic while dealing with 12 families and their bastard offspring? “Oh Host-bitch! My McNuggets are not to my liking and my fingers are sore from all the clicking.” That would be the reality of it, especially with the sense of entitlement people have in this country. ‘Your wages are my dole money’ type of stuff.
There are many more but this is a quick blog entry. I hate, HATE marketing bullshit. Commercials just do not have an affect on me and I will never understand the people that go in for it. It’s just a load of waffle and a disturbing collection of buzzwords used to confuse people stupider than the idiots that come up with these schemes. Show me a price, show me where to pay and shut your face. That’s it. Right? But now, the greatest customer-pandering, ass-kissing monkey bollocks I have ever heard has spread throughout the nation. It started with Super-Valu but now they are all it.
According to their ads you now can put a comment on each item you purchase online. As in when you click bananas or something you can specify “Ripe, very ripe.” I’m sorry but if you are as lazy as to do your grocery shopping online and then have them delivered to your door you don’t deserve the ripest of ripe bananas you assholes. You get the blackening and leaky fruit you lazy fucks. How dare you! If you are particular about your food then it is not the fault of the company that you don’t like the bananas delivered to you now is it?
If I take the time out of my day to actually go to the shop I get the good bananas! If you sit at home scratching yourself while shopping on your phone you get the bad bananas. It is the natural order of things. If you go to a takeaway at ten minutes to closing you don’t get to place an order, you pick from what is left to sell. Am I right? I am so shut your face.
Get up off your lazy ass and go to the shop if you need your bananas a certain way and stay away from mine. My bananas! My bananas!
P.S. I hate bananas. I just don’t want the lazy people getting all the good ones.