It’s a phrase I am loath to utter because you just cannot possibly know for sure. “Now Iv heard it all” is something I have never said, that is, until today.
As I have worked in Retail all my life Im sure you can imagine I have had to answer a lot of stupid questions, and you would be right! I was once asked “Where is the bathroom” I replied “Just through that door” to which Astronaut Brain surgeon replied “How do I open the door? With the handle is it?”. You come across some pretty stupid people it is fair to say.
Still not convinced? I have a friend (RetailBro) who had a customer returning a vacuum cleaner because it was too loud…and that’s not even the worst part. They told her that it was a powerful unit and that of course it was going to be a little loud. She replied “But it wakes up my children”. “Excuse me?” said RetailBro. “Yes, I Hoover when they are in bed”. People are fucking morons.
It works both ways too I guess. People who work in shops can be very unhelpful and dead eyed at times, this could be a result of years of pointless small talk and god awful questions. We range from the useless to the used…I am the latter.
Today, however, I encountered the dumbest question in the history of speech. When we are born we cannot speak, think, eat by ourselves, walk, control our bladders and lots of such things other than crying and falling over. I have a firmly held belief that there are people out there that have never graduated past that stage other than to grow larger and smell worse. This is one of these people. At our store we sell summertime stuff when the weather starts to get better…you know…around summertime? I was selling a completely unrelated product to a customer when it happened. We pick up toward the end of the sale.
Customer – “…ohh, do you sell kiddies swimming pools or paddling pools?”
RetailBoy – “Yes, I’m not sure if they are in yet but if you ask the guy at the other desk he will help you.”
Customer – “okay, but you normally do sell them?”
RetailBoy – “Yes”
Customer – “And do you sell the water for them?”
Are you serious?! “Do you sell the water for them?!” No! We do not sell the water for swimming pools! Im pretty sure nobody “sells” water other than mineral water! Who sells water in such a large volume?! What was this clown expecting?! “Of course madam, how many bags of water would you like?! Or you could pull your car around and we will fill the back seat with water?! That will forty million moneys please.” My sweet merciful Christ people are fucking dumb! Case closed!
So based on this question I think it is safe to assume that this person has never used a water tap in her life. How does she bathe? How does she make tea? How does she quench the thirst of her unfortunate offspring? Oh my god. This person has children…let that sink in! She is responsible for other human lives! What happens if their home has a small fire? “Quick children get the paddling pool! Oh shit! I FORGOT TO BUY THE WATER!! WE’RE DOOMED!!!”
Fuck my life,