Dying Tickles

Iv been having some REALLY messed up recurring dreams lately. I have not changed what I eat or what time I eat at but I am having graphic dreams involving me being stabbed. It’s horrific.

The first one seems to have manifested because of the amount of Sons of Anarchy I have been watching. I was sitting in a bar owned by a biker gang minding my own business when Ryan Giggs walked up to me. He handed me a bag full of jump suits and balaclavas before answering his phone. One of the jumpsuits falls out of the bag onto the floor. Ryan Giggs comes back for the stuff. He seemed very pissed off so I didn’t mention the missing suit and let him leave.

I went back to my beer when, out of nowhere, 3 huge bikers pick me up and drag me into a kitchen. The bikers were planing a bank heist and somebody has told them that I was a Police informant, this mixed with the missing jump suit left me up shit creak! Ryan Giggs runs into the kitchen to tell the rest that a jump suit was missing…he then blamed me. “Why, Ryan?!” I screamed. “Why do you hate me when I show you nothing but love!”

There was a lot of shouting and anger in this weird pub kitchen thing before one of them grabbed a butcher knife. I began to plead for my life. The bikers holding me were shouting “Do it!”, I began to weep. I could actually feel the tip of the knife on my skin for some reason until a loud slap wakes me up. It was the knife going in…I woke up holding my stomach…really messed up.

I had FOUR more dreams last week where I am stabbed. My personal favourite bring this. I was sitting on a Ferris Wheel at a carnival, just chillin’. All of a sudden a Ninja runs up to the control panel and starts to spin it really fast while another rescues everybody else on the wheel except for me. It starts to spin faster and faster. The ninja whistles to call for another buddy. This guy comes out in full Samurai gear complete with a broadsword and stands in the middle of the parking lot, takes a knee, and holds the sword towards me. The wheel spins faster still and then the first Ninja prick pulls a hand break to stop the wheel dead as I am coming to the top of the wheels cycle. This propels me through the air landing stomach first on the sword impaling me as the Samurai laughs. Seriously…not cool Mr. Dream man.

I was having these dreams night after night until this one happened. Clearly the mood in my dreams changed.

I was sitting on a park bench as kids were playing football on the grass. I was half-watching this make shift football match as a young boy scores a belter of a goal and I clap loudly. The young boy runs to me screaming “Dad, did you see my goal?!” Dad?! It seems this footballing wünderkind is my son. I was proud of his achievement and we leave to go grab a slice of pizza to celebrate.

As we leave the park a few of my friends are walking past and they ask me if I fancied going for a drink this evening. I said “I don’t know lads, I better check with the wife”. I walk past a video game store and see that a new Metal Gear Solid has been released, I didn’t buy it as I wouldn’t have time to play it. I seemed ok with that as I walked home hand in hand with my son.

As I walked in my front door my wife is standing there to welcome me home with a cup of tea and a big sexy hug. I tell her that I plan on meeting the lads for a pint later…she seems disappointed and starts to moan about it. I say “Its ok. Let’s just watch a movie or something.” I walk into the living room to see that there isn’t even a single game console and the wife has already started watching a chick flick. Three kids run into the living room and ask me for help with their Irish homework. I woke up screaming.

Uhhhhhhh!!!! Fuck that! Kids? Wife? No consoles? No Pints? Chick Flicks?! Noooooo!!! This wife and kids Steve walked past a video game shop and didn’t throw what ever amount of monies it took to buy a NEW Metal Gear Solid game? I would have licked the dummy box before buying two copies incase I had sex with the first one! Uhhhh! It gives me shivers thinking about being that subservient guy. That is a true nightmare for me! Bring back the graphic stabbing dreams please, I can’t take another one of those wife and kids dreams…neither can my piss stained bed sheets.



About thecityfathers

We sit around all day stroking our beards, clucking our tongues and discussing what's to be done with this Homer Simpson
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