“Please and Thank You” Please! : A RetailBoy Joint

God I hate people. Why must they complicate my life with their useless presence? I know what you’re thinking. “Ohh RetailBoy what’s new, you dechivelled lump of walking misery! You hate people…we get it!” And you would be right to think that. After all I have complained about the constant shortcomings of human kind many many times before but this is new.

Don’t you hate it when people have a lack of basic manners? I’m not talking about burping at a table or screaming bloody murder at a 15 year old trainee for charging for a plastic bag. I’m not talking about people chewing on chicken bones at the opposite table while using the table cloth to wipe their disgusting mouths. I’m not talking about people who scratch there giant bellies and clean out their ears using car keys in mid conversation. Those are things that I have come to accept about this useless species we are a part of. However I cannot fathom why people cannot say “please” and “thank you”.

Why?! Why is it that grown men and women can walk through a doorway held open by a stranger and not say thank you or even acknowledge that persons’ kindness let alone their existence? How does that happen? Do you not feel shame? Are you just used to people doing everything for you? Personally, no matter what kind of mood I would be in, I cannot begin to dream of being able to walk through that doorway without saying “thanks” and then holding the door for him/her to walk through! Am I right?! Maybe I was just raised in the right way.

I can understand why customers in shops would be so shitty as to not say please or thank you…shocked by that arnt you?! You see, iv come to realise that it’s down to that persons opinion on people working in retail. These Celtic Tiger failures (or NAMAPrisoners) see themselves as a higher class of person. They flash the credit cards and live in debt just to keep up with the Johnsons, and of course to shut up their bastard children, to feel important, valued, and better than their modest beginnings. They stick their noses up at anybody not wearing the latest shite from whichever candy-ass store has the most up to date shite and feel special for showing off to the turf-muchers behind them in the queue. That’s fine with me. Il live within my means, you know…real life, while they walk around being spoiled grown children. I’m fine with that. They are not human, they are debt machines. Expecting manners from a clown like that is like trying to teach Hamlet to a glass of milk.

But it’s not just the Celtic Classes and their horrifically awful offspring, their Celtic Cubs. Its a full blown epidemic in Ireland. We used to be lovable story tellers adored the world over. What are we now? Judging by these fuckwits we could easily be seen as spoiled social welfare recipients too busy bitching about the “gov’ment” to bother working. The only stories are told through iPhone app updates. “Have you seen the new Brown Thomas app Sneachta? It’s a disgrace…no laser payments online. This country is a joke.”

What happened to the regular Seamus on the street. When did he forget those words? It’s so simple. “Can I have that new thing, please? Thank you, have a nice day.” Is that so hard? I wouldn’t dream of speaking to a person serving me without saying please and thanks.

It is one of the first things you learn. How many times did your Mother say “…Please??” after you demanded corn flakes when you were younger without asking politely? Every damn time! When you are learn to speak you learn “Hi” and “Bye” to wow your doting relatives. Am I right?! You see parents showing children how to wave goodbye to people. “Please” and “Thank you” are your next lesson in life. Where did it go? You lot are teaching your children how to be mannerly yet you abort those plans the second you deal with people in the real world…you disgust me.

It’s not very difficult. I have always said this. There are countries in this world where you do a year in the army after leaving school. It teaches you discipline, it teaches you morals and it teaches you how to treat others with respect. Kids leaving school in Ireland should be forced to work in a shop for a year before going to college and they should be paid half of minimum wage. That €4 an hour would teach these kids to plan for the future and to never buy a house for the price of one of Roman Abromavics’ most exclusive hookers. It would teach them to be respectful and to never treat people the way you are treated working in a shop. We would soon become the most peaceful, humble, down-to-earth race of sexy bastards on this planet. Our work force would be astonishingly large. Company’s would flock to Ireland to exploit the cheap labour and BANG I just solved Irelands problems.

Please…Thank You…You’re Welcome.
RetailBoy