Once again my lunch break was ruined by a member of the disgusting general public staring at me while I ate my sexy turkey dinner. You may remember my run in with the annoying staring baby (or as I dubbed him Prick of The Week 7) earlier this year in the same restaurant. I have not darkened their door since that horrible day, that is, until today.
It was a rough start to the day. Today the new Call of Duty came out and I had finished work at 1am the previous night. All of the people, and The Rock means, all of the people showed up. Billions of Chinese people outnumbered us all as I sold video games to the swelling mass of earths entire population. I managed to steal away for my lunch break and needed lots of food quickly…full Turkey Dinner both required and earned after the last 48 hours.
I sat down to eat when I spotted this woman staring at me…continuously. This is the true story of my ruined lunch break.
It’s been 5 minutes and this idiot is still staring at me. Why does this always happen to me here? What the hell does she want. My food! Mine! Down crazy bitch. Seriously now this has been going on too long. Is there something stuck to my head that is mesmerizing her tiny mind? Maybe its something from my turkey dinner that I pretty much inhaled. Quick check…nope, nothing but silky smooth skin, natch.
Ahh christ on a blue bike in mid September why is she staring at me? Does she want my body? Mrs. Steve won’t like that. I wonder what she sees in me? Is it my movie star good looks? Swimmers build, sparkling personality? What DOES she see in me?
It’s been 15 minutes and shes still staring. Is there something behind me that is challenging her little brain? Ohhh class!!! A shinny spinnie toy story car! But no time to ride it now. Okay, you’re going to have to do something here. Pick your nose and blow her a kiss, that should do it.
Ok, she’s not there anymore…now you’re just an idiot standing with a finger up your nose. Where did she go? This can’t be good. What if she is planning to assault me at the exit? There’s only one way out of this situation…pretend you are an airplane and run through the glass screaming “Airplane Noises!!!!” Nobody would rape a human airplane covered in glass cuts would they? Here goes!
Don’t worry, I wasn’t attacked…I was an airplane. I win you ignorant staring prick!