“How’d the move go Steve?”

“So there it was. Steves Landlord delivers the shot heard ’round the world. Steve is out of the high rent house. He’s got offers from ECW, The WWF, All-Japan, New Japan, Foster Court and all Steves gotta do is make a decision!”
Nah Steve, that’s for somebody else

I expect Rory to get that paraphrased paragraph. That’s about it, Rory. One guy…tops! I apologise for my absence this past week or so but I have been super busy with this epic move. I know how empty your lives have been without me and I am genuinely sorry but you people must understand I am a busy individual. I know you have spent your evenings holding your breath using your self-harmed arm while chronically masturbating with the other but people please!!! Get a hobby or something, Iv got other shit to do sometimes. Your death threats/love letters were appreciated and I have instructed my secretary to keep them on file for my future self to peruse.

20121009-091920 p.m..jpg

So here I am in my new house blogging for the first time. I have to say it’s pretty sweet. It’s got at least four walls and a roof, I had to bring the forth wall to my last place myself, I stole it from the building site of a childrens hospital. I’m fairly sure they still built it? Oh actually I think it’s a KFC now, my bad.

I am basically just letting you, Steves People, know that I’m here and well. Over the next few days I will get back into the swing of things and blow your sexy minds with my words but for now il just tell you a quick story about the move.

Ok so I moved in to the new house on Friday afternoon. I got my room all set up majestically – you know…by pointing everything at my TV and Xbox of course. Myself and my new room mates began drinking heavily while playing FIFA 13. A four player session of FIFA is what I imagine rainbows taste like. My team won of course and we high fived as gentlemen before making our way into town. Drinks were consumed and for a reason I am yet to understand I woke up shivering on the SteveChair in my old house! Yes, the very house I moved from earlier that day! Ohhhhhhhhhh DrunkSteve you old scamp.

I struggled to open my eyes as I removed a take-away bag from my lap. I rubbed my eyes, looked around at somewhat familiar surroundings and went into a state of panic. “IV BEEN ROBBED!” I screamed internally for about 30 seconds before realising I didn’t live in the house any more and was probably trespassing on another mans property. I took a lengthy whizz in the SteveBathroom. As I watched the water turn from water to pretty much regurgitated beer (I call it the “yesterday piss”) I thought about all the memories myself and the SteveCave shared. I composed myself and made my sexy way out of there…for the very last time. Classic DrunkSteve.

I’m back lads and ladies, I envy you all.


About thecityfathers

We sit around all day stroking our beards, clucking our tongues and discussing what's to be done with this Homer Simpson
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