I DID IT!!! I finally did it!! I’m sure you will remember when I revealed to you the extent of my illness? Of course you do. I strived to complete Batman Arkham City all the way to that sweet sweet 100% mark..and it has been done! What of your prophecy now Xbox??!!
When you complete the game the first time around you are actually only at 60-odd percent…which is upsetting. You then need to collect four hundred and forty friggin’ riddler trophies and solve a few dozen riddles laid around the urban prison that is Arkham City. It is hell. Aside from that you need to complete all of these annoying side missions. It is hell. Then, you need to complete over two hundred challenge mode tasks (which took a long time), and then you think you have that beautiful 100%. But…no.
It turns out that you need to complete the whole game a second freakin’ time…on a new difficulty thing…with no heads up display. They call it “New Game Plus”. I call it FUCK OFF!!! I spent weeks completing these extra challenge maps because I thought they would increase my percentage when it turns out I just needed to select that new game plus thing!! Luckily the riddler trophies and challenge tasks carried over so I just needed to beat the game and it’s side missions. Which I did, masterfully.
It was hell. Seasons changed outside my window as I beat the scum of Gotham with my bare Batman hands. But here I am, a champion. 100% people, 100%!
So now I can return to my life. I can’t remember what I did before I undertook this task. What was my job? I think I sold birds to pirates or something? No, it was something to do with stamps wasn’t it? Was I a lovable hobo that rode the rails regaling strangers and passers-by with tales of my youth? Gun laundering? I can’t remember. Line? I think it’s time I go find Mrs.Steve for some victory sex.
Bow down before me minions, I am your god now! 100%, you know it. I did this for you…Steve’s people. You will one day tell tales of my bravery. I’m all up in this piece. Am i the new Batman? Perhaps. But one thing is for damn sure….
I. AM. PERFECTION.