Mwuhahaha! Guess who finally got on your precious blog?? That’s right, you two idiots can’t stop me now!
Let’s fill all of your filthy fans in on your sick little game shall we? Rory and Steve are far too proud of this blog, it’s all they ever talk about. “Oh look how many shiny things we bought with our Internet money” they would say. Cram it you numpties! I am so sick of eating frozen pizza with no toppings while you two sit down to your ‘City Fathers special’…two pizzas delivered by an indian gentleman. Well the time has come for me to grab that brass ring and make a name for myself wether you like it or not.
So why did I hack The City Fathers you ask? It’s really quite simple. Rory and Steve became too busy to blog everyday so they brought in “Guest Bloggers” to fill the void in your pathetic little lives. I saw some of our friends get the nod from the lads and BOOM instant success. They have let four of our mutual friends write pieces on here, some even twice – they even have a contract on the table for Scarlett Pumperknickle…they want to make him a third city father. Meanwhile, I sit here alone and bored with literally thousands of ideas to improve this damn website and they won’t even entertain my notions.
I decided to get back at them. I was going to sleep with their girlfriends but, wouldn’t you know it, neither of those pathetic idiots have girlfriends! What a pack of losers! I could have done many many things to them but I am not that guy. I approached them one last time with an idea for a guest blog and I was shot down once again. They said, and I quote, “You’re too much of a prick to blog for us”. Well assholes, I’m here. I’m a ‘prick’?? Well so’s your face! I guess that will be my blog handle, SYF.
So what are my plans for the hacking and destruction of this site? Well let’s just turn their own words against them. You see, I want it all! The dizzying highs, the terrifying lows and the creamy middles. Sure, I might offend some of the bluenoses with my cocky stride and musky odours. Ohh, Il never be the darling of the so-called ‘City Fathers’ who cluck their tongues, stroke their beards and talk about what’s to be done with this…S…Y…F.
Allow me to paraphrase my boy Chris Jericho for a moment. When he showed up in the old WWF his plans were to save them, I too am here to save the city fathers…wether they know it or not I am just the kick in the ass this site needs. Let the paraphrasing begin!!
I am the new millennium for thecityfathers.com. For those of you that don’t know me I am your new hero, your new party host and most importantly the most charismatic showman to ever enter your living room via a computer screen.
When you think of the end of summer you think of the dawning of a new era – an era that this once proud and profitable blog sorely needs. What was once a captivating trendsetting blog has now deteriorated into a boring snoozefest that is in dyer need of a knight in shining armor and that’s why I am here. I have come to SAVE The City Fathers!
Now let’s go over the facts. Views are on a downward spiral. Advertising revenues plummeting. Mainstream acceptance is not non-existent. Reactions in the comment boxes…silence. I know why you’re silent, you’re embarrassed to be on here. I’m embarrassed for you and the reason for your embarrassment is the steady stream of uninteresting, unentertaining, mediocre ‘Guest Bloggers’ who you are forced to cheer for. No wonder your are not cheering. You could care less about every single idiot on this blog.
You people have been led to believe that mediocrity is excellence, no no! I am excellence. And now, for the first time, you have a man that can entertain you! You have a man that is good enough for you! You have a man that can make you jump up off your chairs, raise your filthy little arms in the air and scream ‘GO, SYF, GO! GO, SYF, GO!
The new millennium is here and so to is the “SYF problem”. This blog, from the front office idiots to the all the idiot guest bloggers, will never be the same again!
Let the games begin,
So’s Your Face