Wah-hoo, here we go! Its’a him…Mario! So today New Super Mario Bros 2 came in to stock and you best believe I had that on the store Nintendo 3DS within seconds!
After a quick firmware update I was ready to jump into the Mushroom Kingdom and start whooping koopa ass. The game opens with a shot of our boys Mario and Luigi just chillin’ outside Princess Peachs’ castle. But all is not what it seems. All of a sudden Bowser shows up and kidnaps the Princess?! Nooooooooooooo! I was shocked, SHOCKED that they still have the same storyline in every single Mario game! Bowser and his evil henchmen take off in some sort of blimp and Mario and Luigi are left standing there, alone and confused. They both quickly jump up and run after the blimp…only to notice that Bowser has gotten TO THE ENTIRE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD! Immediately I was concerned for the well-being of Princess Peach.
So you pretty much know what you are getting with a side-scrolling Super Mario game so there is very little point getting into it is there? Yes, there is. This is something that has bugged me for years in Mario games. Why does Mario even give a f**k anymore? Seriously. I know he’s the hero type but that Princess Peach one is nothing but trouble. She sits around all day in her castle doing nothing until Mario calls over for some sexytimes and before they can get down to business she gets kidnapped…every single time.
Mario has a lot going for him as a man about town. He’s able to explore galaxys while defeating enemies whether it be air, land or sea. He’s a good tennis player and a sick kart driver. Sure, he needs a little mushroom to increase his size but I ask you ladies…would that put you off? He gets the job done whether he’s tiny Mario, regular Mario or Giant Mario. He needs to leave this girl fast.
Also, what’s with his name? If Mario and Luigi are the “Mario Brothers” then I guess his first name is ‘Super’ and his surname is Mario. Doesn’t that seem odd? That means Luigis name is Luigi Mario right? What an awful name, no wonder he’s an unwanted unlockable.
Excellent. Superb crisp hi-res graphics in a very colourful and vibrant environment. Character models are well rendered and move brilliantly over the platform world that is the Mushroom Kingdom. You forget that you are playing on a little 4 inch screen as it is displayed so well.
Brilliant as usual. Everybody knows and remembers the Mario theme music and sound effects. All have returned and all are better than ever.
It’s a Mario game…you know the score. The only major difference between this one and all of the others is the new coin rush feature. There are coins EVERYWHERE! The idea is that you strive to reach one million coins. There is a nice little counter in the bottom right of the level select screen that totals your coin haul. Expect months of bragging in school yards and college bed-sits ahead.
Uhh…it’s a Mario game. Peach whores around with Bowser while you spend days jumping over stuff to rescue her. I guess that’s a plot.
Score : 4 Steves out of 5.
It lost a point because it’s too good…
So there you have it. The oddest review of NSMB2 you will find in all of the Internet.