When Rory had the idea to start this blog he signed me to a long term contract. The conditions of which I won’t go into detail on for now as I’m angling for a raise. I deserve that second packet of peanuts and you know it Rory!! Il have my day…
I was a little sceptical at first as this blog was actually originally intended as a hardcore monkey pornography page and I was not very clued in on that particular subject. I guess he just wanted somebody to take the fall for the animal cruelty charges. Luckily, the bossman had a change of heart and decided it could be anything we wanted it to be…with hardcore monkey pornography on the side.
We weren’t sure what my role would be but it turns out I have a skill for spitting bile-filled fury at my enemies. Today is the day I feared as I cannot be held responsible for what falls onto this page as I bounce my head against the wall screaming expletives. This, dear sexy reader, is THE RANT that is my birthright.
Ok. So I came home from work not so long ago. I spent 11 hours at work on my feet in new crippling shoes and basically fell in the door when it opened. I looked down at my bloody stumps to see a letter from the post office addressed to me. I had no idea what this could possibly be until I noticed a logo. The f**cking TV License fee.
€160…I’m serious bro. One hundred and sixty Euro for RTE and it’s gimp-like cousins TV3 and TG4? I am so sick of this fucking fee. Who actually watches RTE TV or listens to RTE radio anyway? Seriously now, who? It is the dumbest, most backward rule that still exists in 2012 Ireland. Does anybody actually watch RTE?
I have three huge problems with this. Firstly the term “license” seems very misleading. It is not a license it is a tax. A license would indicate that it would be illegal for Argos or Currys to sell me a television right? You with me? But I can guarantee you that when I dropped 500 big ones on my TV a few years ago Argos staff were not questioning the legality of my purchase.
Secondly, and this is depressingly true. If I go and purchase this “license” that should mean I, Steven Jesus Christ John McLaine Batman am licensed to own a TV in my home, maybe even in my camper van and even one in my summer home. Wrong! You, by law, have to hold a license for each premises that you own a TV in. FACT! What a load of crap. I am open to correction on this but I am fairly sure that you are supposed to have a license to own a second tv in the same house.
Lastly. I understand what the TV License is for…”To fund homegrown and commercial products” which in itself is an absolute pile of bull. The fee is to pay RTE employees inflated salaries, FACT! RTE HAS ADVERTISING REVENUE! This should fund programming and staff wages…like every other commercial entity. Why the hell do I have to keep paying this stupid fee so Pat Kenny can stay on his 3/4 million a year?
That sweet free revenue stream is pumped into pointless shows on RTE 1 about tea bags and dog ownership while I, the viewer, am watching BBC or any other station. It is a company so out of touch with it’s audience and with the country as a whole. How dare they pay staff that kind of money while 400,000 are out of work and forced to pay this stupid fee after canceling sky or UPC to save on the bills. It is fucking disgusting.
Yes. Yes. Yes. You did just read that. Those are the top earners in RTE in the most recent salary updates as published in the Irish Times in July.
Does that not make your blood boil?! Seriously now! This is scandalous. The BBC are run on the TV license in the UK and they have no adverts! I understand that the population base is far larger but it still doesn’t cut it for me. I am sick to death of paying this TAX while these fuckers dine out and put my money up their noses. See Gerry Ryan.
If I do not pay this I will be sent to prison, makes sense right?
So I will pay it as I am on the grid and I have no choice but I won’t be paying it in the post office…hell no! I will be paying by cheque and posting it to the TV License scumbags with a little note in the envelope.
“Dear overpaid fuckwits,
Please find enclosed my blood, sweat and tears in the form of a personal cheque. One hundred and sixty euros and zero cent as requested. I do not and will never watch any of your shows so giving you this money is hurting my gargantuan testicles. It is a deep and severe pain.
I am just letting you know that paying this money to you pricks is disgusting. You do not need it where as I do. Have you any idea what is going on in this country? Nobody cares about Fair City or the rest of your shows. They defy description really.
I barely watch any television anyway and my TV is purely for my Xbox 360 and PS3…and watching DVDs on said devices. I hope you are happy with yourselves. So please enjoy my money. I hope you choke on it.
I’m so angry. As always with my angry rant blogs I have not read it back, I feel it would cheapen the vitriolic spouting as I may second guess my original overwhelming emotion and edit to suit, that’s not how I roll. So if you find spelling or grammar errors kindly fuck off and die. I thank you.