Ok folks, here it is. This is not going to be easy for me and I’m sure you won’t like to hear this news but…I’m very sick. You may have noticed that I have not been blogging as regularly as I usually would and seeing as you all have been so kind to me with your comments regarding this blog I felt I should tell you all whats going on.
I have had a resurgence of an old illness, it is pretty serious but has been benign since 2005. I am not sure how to deal with it all. I thought why not tell the world about it and see what happens. So here it is, uhhh this is tougher than I thought.
You see…I have started playing Batman Arkham City again. This is because of yet another summer games drought. Seriously games industry, if just one of you publishers released a Triple-A during these awful summer months filled with awful movie tie-ins you are talking millions of units sold. There is nothing out there for people like me! Ice Age Kinect is not going to keep me going until October now is it?! Give me a freaking game you ass-clowns! Even the crappy ones that get buried in the Q4 rush would be a huge hit. See Red Dead Redemption…Lawyered.
Ok so when complete the story part Batman Arkham City you are actually on 61% completion, this is where I left the game last october. During the week I decided to pick it up and start collecting the trophies that The Riddler has littered around Gotham…a HUGE MISTAKE!
I started picking up a few of the trophies, nothing serious, just a little fun after work…Like sex with with a midget. But much like sex with a midget YOU. JUST. CANT. GET. ENOUGH! I was happy roaming around the city beating thugs with my bare batman hands, I really was! But I started finding more of these trophies…then more…and now I have to have them all!!!
When I find them all the game will be completed at that magical 100% mark…something I have not attempted since the dark soul-destroying days of Grand Theft Auto San Andreas. My room mate Alan and I resolved to complete the balls off that game – sacrificing college if we had to, and trust me we did…gladly. We had rules and everything. He eventually made it to that sweet sweet 100% before me and I guess I was happy for him. The worst part was that I did one of the side missions that we had both been stuck on for days…on his freaking memory card! And could I replicate the same on mine…f**k no! That damn RC Helicopter in the abandoned building site was a real hilter of a mission.
So here I am again, consumed by damn little trophies scattered around a sprawling impromptu urban prison located on the doomed shoreline of Gotham City. I can’t stop. One might say I’m addicted to the shindig.
As of yesterday I am at 324 Riddler trophies of 400. But here’s the kicker – those mostly well hidden or puzzling challenges are not enough. I still have to solve dozens of riddles and destroy nearly 100 “breakable objects”. Are you serious bro?!
When I get the 400th trophy and all all that other crap I will finally find that fiendish enigmatic genius and beat him to within an inch of his life…then a further two inches. This is my mission. So, I apologise to my friends, family, potential female late night buddies and my prize winning daffodil garden…you will all be neglected. This is now my life.
Can I do it? You know it! I have boarded up my windows and told work that I have chronic ass-issues – no questions asked…”Never come back” they said, winning. Wish me well. I will be back to entertain you when I get that 100% completion, my recovery will then be complete. I must go now. Gotham City needs me. Fair thee well good citizen.