All American Pimp

Into my sixth month here in the good oul USA and something has started to really get on my nerves. Now, before I came here I knew that this place was a lot more commercial and I’d be bombarded by advertisements but I guess having travelled here previously for only weeks at a time, I was never exposed to the full brunt of the Marketing bastards. I went to my first ever baseball game, the stadium was covered with advertising, the stadium had the name of a bank but in fairness, that’s no different to soccer so I’d let it slide. Baseball has a stoppage between innings, between each inning they had a form of entertainment in the stadium, usually a competition, getting one or a few to play a game to win a prize. Subway, Castrol, Casino Arizona etc. each got their name in there. A few innings in, it started to get on my nerves but I thought well, ya know what, at least it was providing entertainment to everyone and some lucky people were winning prizes.

Some people back in Ireland may know this already but others who have never been to America may not. Television commercials are put on at different intervals. A show starts after a few minutes there’s a commercial break, after the midway point there’s a commercial break, right before the end, there’s a commercial break. After a while you stop noticing but it is annoying for sure!! The local commercials are the worst too, in Irish terms think those ads that are on RTE during the Galway races or one’s shown on Setanta.

Next we have the radio ads. There seems to be ads played every 10 minutes on terrestial radio here. Every 9 minutes is traffic, followed by commercials. Radio commercials are the worst! Voice over by guys with old man style radio voices putting emphasis on certain words like In-SURE-AAAANCE. I love the radio here because they have actual variety of music but the radio ads have made me go out and buy a tuner to play my own music through my phone. Can’t stand it.

“This prostate exam was brought to you by Skittles!, MMmmmmm Taste the rainbow!”

“This cancer diagnosis was brought to you in part by Castrol GTX, Go further. And T-Mobile if you weren’t going to die we’d sign you to a 2 year contract”

Last night I watched wrestling. They did a live skype chat with Charlie Sheen who was wearing a baseball cap with the name of his new show on it. The camera panned to the commentators and you saw a lady waitress approach behind them on roller skates holding a tray of drinks. We were told these were Summer Hawaiian drinks you could purchase at Sonic Drive Throughs….dear god!

I went to the dentist and he had an infomercial with himself starring in it playing in the waiting room, he had lots of different gizmos lying around..or rather empty boxes to advertise them, pens and pads and desk toys from drug companies. There’s billboards all along the freeways, planes dragging signs behind them. I get 5 calls a day from telemarketers on my mobile phone and even more to my landline, I’ve been getting more spam mail since I moved here. I guess it’s a downside of the liberties ya get here. Those people are free to sell their wears and shove it down your throat and your free to tell them to fuck off. I don’t know, I think they should legalize online poker again and criminalize commercials within tv shows and nuisance phone calls. I’m not shitting on America because it’s still great. There’s a lot of things here that just done a lot better than anywhere I have been. So credit where credit is due. But this avertising shit is extremely aggravating. Hey Bloomberg, leave my 32 oz Coke alone and work on this shit instead please.


About thecityfathers

We sit around all day stroking our beards, clucking our tongues and discussing what's to be done with this Homer Simpson
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