I have turned my hand to a lot of topics and jobs on this spectacular website over the last few months. I have reviewed books and video games. I have been a world class journalist, interviewing fine people such as Detective Larry O Malley, Rory, a rock I found in my shoe and of course myself. I have hosted my very on cookery show called “Steves Cookery Corner”. I have given my advice in the form of “A Gentlemans Guide” on various topics. With those and so many other things and you must be thinking “Steve you sexy multi talented idiot, there cannot possibly be any more you can give us! Please take a rest and enjoy a cheeky little Rosé down by the fire.”
Well, dear reader, there is even further string to my bow. You see, I have recently become a respected member of Galways high society. It was not an easy road. My shabby clothes and abrasive personality saw me shunned from many a black tie cocktail party. My untamed facial hair and wild sexy hair was too much for their snooty parties but alas I resolved to becoming one of them, I have always dreamed of being part of an exclusive society within the city. After several drunken faux pas I needed to turn to art appreciation to recover my woefully flagging reputation within the wine community.
I bought a few pieces through an art dealer I have become close to and now I fit in perfectly within their world. I have planned a wine and cheese event for tonight to debut my new pieces to my new friends. But as I move up in society I cannot help but feel bad for you, the reader – the little guy that I have left behind. So, as a token gesture, I will give you a sneak peek at my new works of art.
This is a fantastic piece. The brutish Bane is a force of nature and a physically dominant man. His strength is unmatched and he fears nothing. The other man, Randy Marsh, is a drunken brawler. Once that sweet nectar of the gods passes his lips he becomes something more powerful than his mere human body allows. Separately these two men are to be feared and here we see the two acknowledging their respective power by circling each other, both afraid to make the first move. They respect each other, brah.
Here we see two great football managers. Pep Guardiola is dominant in his field. His success in his short reign is unparalleled in world sport all while keeping a great coach in Jose Mourinho down in the shadows of his victory-spree. However, Mr.Mourinho eventually gets one over on the champ by simply shooting him in the chest. I think the artist is trying to convey the loss of time. Perhaps if Mourinho had shot his rival years previously a lot of time could have been spared. Oh how we waste time with words in modern life. Maybe we all should just shoot people in our way?
Religious art works always bring out a spiritual side to me. It transports me to higher plane and I enjoy it’s boastful displays of power. Here we see your boy Jesus displaying his power over us by simply telling us all how he feels about us. Sure, he could rid our world of disease and poverty and any moment he chooses but…why bother? He does whatever he wants when he wants and I for one respect that. The artist shows us Jesus here at a, shall we say, strong and powerful moment. It makes me wonder why anybody believes in him and why you lot as a species waste your Sunday’s in a big hall listening to pedophiles sing. The piece makes me ponder the mysteries of the universe, I guess that is a good thing.
Kanye West. I hate this walking urinal cake with every fibre of my being so I guess you are wondering why I keep a large painting of him above my fireplace? You see, when I have a bad day at work I look at this piece and scream an expletive laden tirade of justice and truth at his stupid face. Kanye West is everything that is wrong with modern society. A talentless fuckwit worth millions of dollars given to him by people too stupid to know any better. I believe the artist is trying to tell us something but I really don’t care about it’s themes…I just hate the prick and I like to scream at him on a daily basis. It helps me get over my issues knowing that this idiot believes he has a talent. The blind leading the blind is a strong theme here.
Well that’s all for now, I hope you enjoyed his little virtual trip through my art wing.
Trust me on the sunscreen,