Its time Carly Rae Jepson

It has gone too far now people. Carly Rae Jepson needs to realise this guy that she just met is never going to call and the radio stations need to call off the search party. Just because she is a basket case incapable of dealing with loss DOES NOT mean we have to listen to her musical plea for help all the live long day! It needs to stop.

If you break down the lyrics of the musical plea she recorded it really highlights the issues this poor girl has. “Before you came into my life I missed you so bad”. That is troubling to say the least. Was she stalking this guy over a period of months until finally cornering him near the well she made a wish in? She’s a stalker folks and it’s no wonder why that guy has decided not to call her.

Now, I admire the confidence of the girl to walk up to this guy, play with her hair, laugh at his jokes and stroke his arm suggestively while offering her number but that same confidence lets her down. Call me, Maybe?” Why would you say maybe? Carly, you have clearly shown that you don’t have the self belief to pull that encounter off. Perhaps this guy sees you as a bit of a flake. That sentence is equivalent to a basketball player going for a long range 3 point shot…but then running after the ball and blocking it himself. Are you really sure, and I mean really sure, that you want him to call you? I don’t think that you are.

20120626-083149 p.m..jpg
Carly Rae Jepson – Not that bright.

I’m sorry, I know this is harsh but somebody needs to say something. Carly…he is not going to call! Get over it! It’s time you gather around friends and family and express your feelings in a productive manner. Take comfort in the arms of Mammy Rae Jepson and Daddy Rae Jepson, regroup and get back on the dating scene with your head held high.

Listen, I have lots of single half decent looking friends that would take you out for a few drinks and show you around lovely Galway, you might even get the shift. The problem is this…you’ll need to change your name legally before you come anywhere near a man again. Because of your musical plea and its epic level of radio exposure on a daily basis – everybody, and The Rock means EVERYBODY on the face of this large spinning ball we call earth despises you and wants you to shut up.

We need you call your record label and have the song pulled. No guy is ever going to want to see you following this. We honestly all feel bad for you and are more than willing to help you find another guy to stalk but please…please…in the name of Lucifer herself…shut the f**k up.

I am in fact the walrus,


About thecityfathers

We sit around all day stroking our beards, clucking our tongues and discussing what's to be done with this Homer Simpson
This entry was posted in Are you serious Bro? and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Its time Carly Rae Jepson

  1. cd says:

    So few people will get the walrus reference that it saddens me

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