Well folks it’s over, it’s finally over…for a little while. Westlife, a group of talentless fuckwits formed in 1998 by a talentless fuckwit in Loius Walsh, have enjoyed unprecedented success in the proceeding years. This weekend sees the end of the road for the lads and I for one am depressed.
I know what your a thinking – “But Steven you sexy bastard…you hate shit music” and you are right. Westlife represent the bottom of the barrel when it comes to contemporary music. They can’t sing, they can’t write songs and they are more fake tan than human. I should be glad that I will never have to hear their torturous music again but as you know I am smart…so SMRT…I mean smArt…this is only the beginning.
This circus they have created in Croke Park this weekend makes me sick. “The end of the road”? My well toned arse! This is just the beginning. This is simply a way for them to make some quick cash and take a holiday from the “band”.
In five years time they will reform, complete with Brian McFadden, and pull a Take That. The millions will return and we all have to suffer through it again, hopefully we will all be dead by then!
Funny story about Brian McFadden actually…My friend Phil used to run acoustic gigs in DeBurgos in Galway. It was called Underground Acoustic and they were great craic. One night we were there enjoying the music and Brian McFadden walked into the pub. It was odd, we were all broke kids in college sharing a pub with a multi millionaire! Somehow he was convinced to go up on stage as part of an open mic section and he was good…for a popstar I guess. I was skeptical until the first words out of his mouth were “Jaysus, this is new. I’m used to playing on front of girls who haven’t had their first period yet! Not you lot!” The place erupted with laughter and he was one of us after that. That is honestly a true story!
That is McFadden and my mate Phil doing Mustang Sally I think. Haha it looks like Phil is trying to kill him!
So Westlife are no more…for a little while. I wonder if they will take up new jobs to keep the cash coming in?
Interviewer – So, what are your skills?
Westlife guy #1 – Well I sit on a stool for a few minutes while another guy sings. Then, like black magic, at the key change I stand up and no longer sit on the stool.
Interviewer – “Holy shit son! You are hired! Here is my first born daughter, enjoy!”
Patrick Kavanagh once wrote “Pop Music is not unlike a microwavable burger, it looks the part but you cannot stomach it’s awfulness.”. Today, that heralded quote rings in the ears of people like me. Westlife – talentless, boring, middle of the road and fake – but somehow they are multi millionaires. What a world we live in.
Kill me, kill me now.