If you are a father I’m sure you enjoyed your breakfast in bed this morning made by your children. I’m sure you enjoyed your cup of tea from your brand new “Worlds Greatest Dad” mug and laughed at your childrens hilarious gifts of fart machines and “Mr.Grumpy” t-shirts. As you sit there now watching the Sunday game spare a thought for people like me…people who were shafted.
Now firstly I don’t have any human children due to my job that involved lots of loud annoying children customers. I had 53 vasectomies incase the first 52 didn’t work. My boy, my xbox 360, had nothing for me this morning. The little ingrate sat there this morning looking at me like I had twelve heads for expecting gifts of toast, slippers and good vibes.
That little shit is 7 years old now and well capable of doing something special for fathers day. I have spent thousands of my hard earned money on him over the years and he has not missed a good game for the entirety of this console generation. I have given him all of my love and attention to the detriment of my sex life and the one day, THE ONE FUCKING DAY he can show me some damn appreciation with something as simple as a t-shirt that reads “Worlds most sexually magnetic dad” he sits there and does nothing!
That little shit expects me to play FIFA with him later on? Well he can fuck right off as far as I’m concerned. The little git has a world of trouble coming his way. He hasnt even done his homework yet! It’s nine o clock at night, not a child in the house washed, and he expects me to download those demos for him? Nuts to you pal.
Children are just one disappointment after another as you wait for the sweet release of death.