We brought the news of the utter devastation that was the Mayo earthquake last week. It’s our unfortunate duty to report the equally catostraphic tornado that terrorized many, many sheep in Donegal this week. With the sight of what locals described as a “queer lookin’ cloud” brought a sense of confusion and complete despair the likes Buncrana hasn’t seen since Pippa left Home & Away. “I thought it was just one of those feckin eejits in their souped up Starletts when I heard it”, said Mossy O’Connor, “when I turned and saw the cloud I was mildly stimulated before getting back to my scone and the newspaper .”
Wide spread outages of Meteor mobile phone coverage was reported in the area around the time of the Tornado but we’re told the coverage is always shite up there and it’s expected that it had nothing to do with the tornado. Never the less One young man was not happy about the situation at all “I missed a cruise in town because my call me text wouldn’t send, Meteor are nothing but cunts”, said a distraught Seanie Fitz before insisting that his beure was even less impressed by missing out on a chance to look unimpressed in the passenger seat for the afternoon.
The current death toll stands at 0 but in fairness the nearest hospital is a good bit away and even then declaring a death has never been Sligo and Mayos hospitals strong suit. The mortality rate in Mayo defies logic because a lot of people have never been declared dead and in some cases even when declared dead sometimes the hospital couldn’t be arsed typing up a death certificate. “But sure tis all in good fun and sure what’s your rush with the whole being declared dead thing, sure you’ll be dead long enough and the pubs are only open until 2am.” remarked a very drunk coroner.
One thing is for sure, after a day like today the people of Donegal and the people of Ireland as a whole must stand up against Mother Nature. She’s only doing this shit because we let her get away with it. There was none of this crap back in the day because Mother Nature knew her place. I say we round up a posse and kick the whure right in the fanny.