Steve Vs Umbrellas

People with umbrellas bring out a rage in me that I can only liken to the feeling you would have when your girlfriend says “I’m fine” and proceeds to inexplicably sulk for the week. Man, clearly, was not meant to operate these devices.

It has been raining here for the last two days and it pisses me off. Not the weather, I live in Galway…I am well used to the rain…does not bother me. What pisses me off is the fact that I have to put up with those idiots using umbrellas on the narrow streets of Galway. Do these people not realise that they are endangering people within a 3 foot radius of them? They cannot seem to hold it straight and anytime they stop to talk to somebody they throw it off to one side oblivious to the fact that they are swinging it at at persons head.

Little old women with umbrellas should be drafted into the army. They are lethal with these things and I wager they are well capable of killing a man at 10 paces should they be required to. They walk very slowly and the gigantic umbrella they carry takes up the rest of the footpath (sidewalk for our American buddys). You end up being stuck walking very slowly behind this excuse for a human being fearing you could lose an eye at any moment.

20120605-073842 p.m..jpg
Mary Poppins, known assassin.

Today I was walking past Brown Thomas during my lunch break and from nowhere I was hit under the chin by an umbrella. Some yuppie yummy mummy walking out the door of BTs after spending her child benefit money on designer scarves opened her umbrella without looking to see if somebody was nearby. Bam, corner of the umbrella into my chin. I stared at her in a rage and she didn’t even look me, merely acknowledging her braindead actions with a disingenuous “Ohh, saaaarrrrryy”. Absolute thundercunt…that could easily have been my eye and she just walked away as if nothing happened.

I was shaking with rage! How can a person be that stupid and oblivious to their surrounding when they unleash this weapon we call the umbrella. Women..sort yourselves out.

Fuck my life,
Steve

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About thecityfathers

We sit around all day stroking our beards, clucking our tongues and discussing what's to be done with this Homer Simpson
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