We have all been there my friend. ManFlu, the aids of our time. Sure, aids is bad but a severe ManFlu is far worse. Your nose in running, your mighty strength has been sapped away and you feel like a deer in the headlights…confused and fearing the worst.
There is no known cure for this curse of an illness but il give a few simple tips to get you out of bed and back on your couch playing video games, drinking, smoking, ignoring your girlfriend and eating poorly in no time!
Step 1. Complain… a lot!
It is a little known fact that one of the leading causes of ManFlu is a sunny approach to life. Its true, I’m serious bro! Think about it, ManFlu always strikes when you can least afford it to happen. Have you ever become sick while you were miserable and pissed off at life? No you haven’t, it strikes at the worst times imaginable and that’s science my friend, science. ManFlu is caused by a lack of complaining, science.
What you need to do first is to complain like it is going out of fashion. Bitch and moan all day long to anybody within a 5 mile radius and further if you are capable of driving to a different city to inform it’s residents of your affliction. This is key. Sure, your girlfriend will say you are over reacting but screw her! What would a woman know about a periodic spell of incapability? Science.
Step 2. Take Action.
We all know that excersise and eating well is for losers. Dont change anything in your daily routine. If you have a heart attack inducing fry for breakfast…have two! Your body has had an awful shock during your transition from healthy to ManFluy so don’t give it a further shock! Have a nice glass of vodka while eating your lunch of 16 burgers if you must, stay consistent and don’t give that damn illness the satisfaction of changing you…that’s exactly what it wants. Be a man!
Step 3. Make a complete nuisense of yourself.
Ok, you feel like crap and everybody else is happy and enjoying life. You need to take them down a few pegs to make yourself feel better. The best thing to do now is to piss other people off so much that they want to hit you…but they can’t…your sick. Leave tissues all around the house, lick their stuff, cough loudly all through the night, puke on the couch! Things like that, be creative. Boom!
Step 4. EndGame!
Test yourself after a few days, I suggest going on the beer. If you don’t die then it’s safe to assume you are cured. I’m no doctor but I’m fairly certain that JägerBombs are lethal at the best of times…if you survive it while wrapped in the spiral of doom that is your ManFlu then you sir are Superman, well done old bean!
If for some ungodly reason none of that works then I really think you should go to the doctor because you are probably dying. Tell Jimi Hendrix I said “What Up?”
You are welcome,