Steve goes to Mass

Disclaimer : Religious People read no further. I make no apologies for my beliefs or actions.

Ok so I know I’m going to offend some of the bluenoses with my cocky stride and atheist beliefs, oh I never be the darling of the so- called Catholic Church who cluck their tongues, stroke their beards and talk about “what’s to be done with this rampant exodus from our church?” (Boom)

Ok so I’m sure everybody is sick to the back teeth reading and hearing about the scandals in the Catholic Church and the cover ups enforced by the Vatican but that’s not why I’m writing this. I have never had any faith. Some of my early memories are being at school masses and things like that and I just never really believed any of it, and that’s saying something considering I was engrossed by anything the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles did. I had (and still have) more belief that the turtles mutation is at least somewhat believable.

I have never been to mass on my own free will in my life. Over the course of my life I have been to lots of weddings, funerals, christenings and all that held in churches and I always think “why?” It’s not like I can do anything about it, it’s just the way it is. However, this morning I did the unthinkable, for me at least, and I went to Sunday morning mass. Why you ask? I still don’t know. I thought it would be another funny little stunt for the blog, but it was no craic.

I rocked into the church this morning in my finest clothes fit for a good laugh. I sat near the back in case I burst out laughing. The priest started talking and everybody stood up, I didn’t. Moments later I was proved correct when the rest of the congregation sat back down, i looked like a genius! Then for the entirety of the lie fest people stood up, sat down and kneeled forward. Is this supposed to show your belief, if so that’s great but other wise it’s really silly. Judging by some of the people at the mass it is the most excersise they get in a week.

Now I thought that going to mass would give me some funny material for this blog but it didn’t. I was falling asleep the whole way through just like I would at any snoozefest. Maybe if the catholic masses were like a the gospel choir ones you see in movies more people would go?!

I found myself as bored as I would have been when I was 5 sitting in those hilariously uncomfortable benches. Now, obviously I found all the sitting and standing hilarious and the people that sing along always get me but outside of that I thought it was a bit shit. The thing I found interesting were the people, young people, that were really in to it all. Praying along with the priest like he was a rock star and singing all of the Jesus-tunes.

I couldn’t help but look around at the walls covered in artwork depicting the horrible murder of their boy Jesus. People go to mass every Sunday to listen to some lad in a funny little dress tell them that they are going to hell for all of their sins. Why do people put that stress on themselves? They listen to a load of lies preached at them by a guy who’s career and life choice is beyond questionable and then go live those lies on a Saturday night. Do these people think “what would Jesus do?” when they fumble in their pockets for change in the jaxx when they are about to buy condoms and drag home some classy lady? I doubt it.

I can’t understand it all. Does that make me a better person than them? Not at all. I would just rather enjoy my life. Forgetting about the whole mass element of this cult, do people actually believe any of this crap? I often wonder if people go to mass and hide their blasphemous thoughts just to keep up appearances. I think so. I have a very good friend who once said to me “I know the whole thing is a bit stupid but I don’t really want to say it ya know?” That still confuses me.

No offense intended, I just find religion an interesting study of the human condition. If you have faith that’s great, best of luck to you.

For those of you on the fence about religion il post an informative video here. It doesn’t preach at you and just gives informed opinion. Il let my good friend Louis C.K. take over.

Ok fine you got me! I didn’t go to mass this morning, of course I didn’t! As my funeral plans dictate, you wouldn’t catch me dead in a church! I just wanted to take the piss out of religion, cheers. If I’m wrong God or whatever he’s calling himself these days will strike me down…still waiting.

Giggs is God,


About thecityfathers

We sit around all day stroking our beards, clucking our tongues and discussing what's to be done with this Homer Simpson
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