Uhhhhhhh….my body is broken. After a three day piss up I feel like poor aul Jesus Christ on friday, absolutely crucified. But there will be no fairytale resurrection in 2 days time for good ol’ Steve…I’m in the horrors for the long haul I think. What happened this weekend amazes me.
So on Good Friday pubs are closed and that is truly amazing in this day and age. I was invited to a party in my mate Clives house on Friday night and I went along thinking “ok Il land in here for an hour or two and head home to bed”…lord how I was mistaken. This house was absolutely rammed with beer and people so a responsible nights drinking was never on the cards. I drank spirits and they don’t agree with me but when people are handing you drink all the time what the hell was I supposed to do? On the beer on Good Friday…take that Jesus! Wheres your messiah now Flanders?!
So that was grand and I carried on being my spectacular self. The bathtub was filled with beer cans in ice and every time I went to the jaxx it was extremely difficult not to play a game I call “Bathtub beer shuffle Funtimes”. Much like a box of chocolates it was unclear what you were going to get.
The beer flowed and people partied until it all started to deteriorate into a drunken haze of what the fuck! I am told I left the house at 9am, I have no idea if that is true or not as I cannot remember walking home.
After waking up on my living room floor at 4.30pm I answered a call from the lads who were already in the pub. I told them there was no way in blue hell I would even consider going to meet them as my hangover was as large as the possibility that I will soon die. So, after making my way down to Ti Coli to meet the lads I quickly realized how much of an idiot I am. The first pint seemed to have a decent effect as my hangover seemed to go away.
I ordered my second pint and went back to the lads. The day was going fine, nothing spectacular, just 3 gents shooting the breeze until Clive changed the game. We had noticed two girls giving us the eyes and the rest of the day and night will forever be remembered by this sentence “Ladies, would you like to join us for a drink?”…
The day was about to change. I immediately decided against going home for a sleep and focused on what I do best…talk shite to strangers for the purposes of happy times. The two girls lived outside of the city and had driven in so we had to somehow convince them to stay in town. It was easier than expected and we dragged them off to another pub. Everything was going quite well but it was about to get knocked up a notch.
So I’m talking to one of the girls in Taffes when out of the blue she asks me “How many one night stands have you had?” Now, I don’t need to tell you that triumphant music blared in my head after hearing that! There is no possible way I’m ruining this…more on that later. My wingman duties kicked in instead.
In Taffes still and Iv noticed that an american couple have joined in our little party, our strange mix of people in the group was growing by the minute and now it’s a full blown international incident. Spain, Switzerland, America, Offaly and Mayo were represented. We start to get hungry and everybody is discussing where to go for food. This part is a bit of a blur but somehow, somehow, somehow, somehow we convinced 3 girls to comeback to the house and cook us dinner. That’s right. That actually happened. I wager nobody will ever beat that.
So after the dinner we had to go to salthill for a house party for an hour. So our now formidable Wolfpack headed on out there. We knew absolutely nobody except for the guy that works with us but we were the life of the party especially our American friend Jay who wowed the crowd with his siiiiick dance moves! The place was jammed with free booze so we stayed there for as long as possible and went back into town and hit the Rosin Dubh.
That’s when it all fell apart. Our wolfpack broke apart and the rest of the night is beyond a blur. What happened with the girl you ask? Perhaps being such an awesome wingman is it’s own reward. Nah it’s a bit shit! Booo!!
So I wake up on an armchair far away from The Montana (my house) with what can only be described as a bag of hangovers. I must have availed of a Lidl special offer “Buy one hangover get 68 free” I’d say. I have entered my hangover this morning for medical examination to figure out if my blood-alcohol levels at the time matched that of Charlie Sheen on an idol Tuesday. The boys in the city fathers lab will let me know.
So to deal with the hangover I did the only sensible thing and I went to the pub to watch football and die in a corner. That may sound like a foolish idea but my hangover is gone and I feel superb. My plans may sound rediculous to you normal people but just like a renegade cop I get results no matter what. I should be a motivational speaker.
So what now? I have no idea why I keep putting the details of my galavanting online for you people to read. Perhaps I seek comfort in the disapproval of perfect strangers or perhaps I enjoy entertaining you all with said galavanting. Either way you’re welcome.
I just wrecked your trousers,