Child Benefit Day

Due to taking a day off yesterday (Monday) my week started late, Tuesday. So as the week started late for me I spent the first while this morning getting my sales targets and stuff like that, all super fun stuff that I won’t bore you with. I open up my diary type thing to mark in my targets for the week and I notice today’s date “Tuesday 3rd April”, hmm the first tuesday of the month…OHH DEAR GOD THE FIRST TUESDAY OF THE MONTH!!! Ohh no…

For those of you that have not worked in retail (or a post office to be fair) you may not know why the first tuesday of the month could be hellish. You see, dear reader, the first Tuesday is Child Benefit Day and in Galway it’s a bad day to work in retail. You see Galway is packed full of people getting benefits they don’t need…mainly the Child Benefit payment. A lot of the customers we have that show up on days like today are not exactly stuck for a few quid so how the hell do they get the payment?

We do not sell clothes, food or school books nor do we sell anything that is vital to the physical well being and survival of a child. So you have to wonder why the first tuesday of the month is the busiest day of the month all year long? Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad to get the sales in but it’s a wider issue really, why is that payment not means tested? Mentioning any cut to Child Benefit to people never flys and often leads to Joe Duffy being bombarded with “furious” parents. It’s just this country as a whole. It used be referred to as allowance and now it’s call benefit…how appropriate. I’m sure everybody knows somebody who had kids and got the state to get them a house and draws down every benefit under the sun, never works and has the cheek to complain.

Now I am usually disgusted by the very wealthy people that are in receipt of the payment showing up on Sugar Daddy State Day (I know one lady in particular that comes in…I know her husband…he’s a GP…how did that happen? Maybe they are divorced? Either way its madness) but today was no normal Free Money Panda Madness Day. Their goldmine brat offspring are off school for this week and next which means I have to put up with their bullshit during that time.

I am well aware lots of people DO need the payment, I’m not talking about them. I talking about the ones that rock up to shopping centers in their Range Rovers to spend the free cash. Relax.

The sound track of my day today was this. Actually wait…experiment time. You will need these ingredients…

  • 4 lovely assistants.
  • A few DVD cases.
  • A screaming person.
  • A ringing phone.
  • Shit music.

You all set? Ok lets start. Get your first lovely assistant to call your phone non stop for the duration of the experiment. Get your second assistant to scream constantly. Get your third to stand at the mantle piece dropping DVD cases all the live long day. Finally have your forth assistant repeatedly smack you in the back of the head with a spoon to simulate the headache. And go…

Not a fun soundtrack is it? It’s no Waynes World 2 OST is it?! My head is fucking pounding after today and I am genuinely thinking of getting a vasectomy to avoid having to deal with these little brats at home. I immediately went to my happy place when I got home…my happy place? Glad you asked…

Essentially my happy place is myself and Ryan Giggs in an worldclass Earth, Wind and Fire cover band just having the laugh. ‘Earth, Giggs and Fire’ also know how to party and regularly have groupies bringing us tidings of Pringles and compliments.

So that was my day. Wait I’m not done yet…this is a phone conversation I had with some idiot today.

Steve – “Hello, Steven speaking how can I help?”
Numptie – “Do you sell iPod chargers?”
Steve – “Yip, they are €15.”
Numptie – “And how much are they?”
Steve – “…uhhh…€15”
Numptie – “and what are they called?”
Steve – “….iPod chargers…”
Numptie – “Ok thanks”
Steve – “Ok…you’re welcome?”

I am not making that up, people are that fucking thick. I feel I need to drive this point home. I gave her the price and then she asked me the price. She asked me for an iPod charger and then asked me what an iPod charger is called. How this person managed to create a child is beyond me. They say common sense isn’t that common and it’s a true story.

I realise this blog post is all over the place in terms of structure but that actually sums up Sugar Daddy State Day doesn’t it?

I just wrecked your trousers,
Steve.

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About thecityfathers

We sit around all day stroking our beards, clucking our tongues and discussing what's to be done with this Homer Simpson
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