Shower of Bastards

It’s Friday and as usual I am listening to the Earth Wind and Fire greatest hits CD on repeat to emphasize how I happy I am that I don’t have to work for a couple of days. This pleases me no end. However this Friday didn’t go as smoothly as it usually would due to people being as useful as aids in a dead horse.

So I finished at 2pm and made my way to the bank to lodge some money into my landlords account. I was greeted with a queue of 17 people ahead of me and 1 staff member behind the desk. There were around 10 desks available and 1 poor soul dealing with all of us. Rather than having other staff sent up to clear the queue the bank have a lady walking around the queue asking people what they need to do. “Are you paying by cash, card or cheque today?” GET BEHIND THE DESK YOU CUNT!!!

People ahead of me started to complain about the lack of staff to this lady who reassured us that another member of staff is on the way. This other member of staff showed up 10 minutes later to the delight of the gathered mob. I thought “finally now this que will move a bit” oh lord Jesus Christ was I mistaken!

Because I was so bored I started playing angry birds on my phone I hadn’t really noticed the people in line ahead of me. I looked around and to my horror it was all elderly women and confused looking foreigners…my idea of the 258th circle of hell.

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I actually nearly left the queue but seeing as I was already in it for around 10 minutes it didn’t seem like a good idea. I was in a position that I could see both of the now two open desks and the elderly women were infuriating to watch. They were fumbling with handbags and wallets and life in general. “isn’t a shame the weather has past?” Hurry the fuck up, give the guy what he wants and shut your wrinkly face you disease of a human being! I’m sure you have a busy day of drinking tea and informing your relatives of who they might know that just so happens to be sick but some of us have things to do you slow boring fuckhead! Get out of the que you cunts!

The poor bastards behind the desk must have wanted to shoot themselves. The confused foreigners were their usual pleasant selves. Angry at the staff for no good reason and having the always upsetting selective understanding of English. Some of us have money to give to Irish people that will stay in the country and spent in local businesses rather than your money that will be transferred to some random corner of eastern Europe and never seen again. Hurry up you drain on the exchequer before I come at you like a spider monkey.

Oh lord that felt good!!! Moving on.

So I’m 2nd from the top of the line now so turn off my iPod and survey my environment, it seems like my ordeal is nearly over. There is only one elderly lady ahead of me but luckily there is another desk beckoning me. The lady ahead of me is called to the desk and opens her giant handbag and pulls out bags of coins…if there wasn’t another desk about to free up I would have gone absolutely insane! There is nothing worse. However, the staff member at the other desk gets called away and boom…I’m stuck behind this personification of a rectal exam.

At least 5 mins pass and I’m still at the top of the queue waiting for this cunt to clear off…that is a hell of a long time to be shaking with rage. But then like a gift from the lord god Ryan Giggs himself appears the staff member that was called away. I walk to the desk and this is how it went.

Steve – Hi I’d like to lodge X amount into an account please.
Staff – Sure, what is the account number.
(I give acc no.)
Staff – Ok thanks very much. Here is your reciept.
Steve – Brilliant, thanks, bye.

It took 20 seconds max! I was queing for 25 mins for a 20 second transaction. Are you serious bro?! You cannot possibly understand how angry I was in that queue! You had to be there! I think il have flashbacks some night and fail to perform sexually as a result. That doesn’t just affect me that affects my future ex wives and mistresses too! Thanks Bank of Ireland! And before anybody asks…I couldn’t lodge it online as the landlord is not set up for that, he’s fairly old school which suits me most of the time.

Now I could go on another rant about how our tax money is being funneled into these banks to bail them out but I’m not going there…or am I?

Hey, board of directors. Get off the damn golf course and use some of that sweet sweet free money to get some staff behind the fucking counters! Its not fair to us as customers and it is especially unfair to your staff who have to deal with massive ques and abusive customers as a result of your cost cutting measures. Also, turn on the fucking air conditioners it was 60 billion degrees in there. I thank you.

Now I’m off to go on the piss to hopefully end up on another crazy adventure, thanks for ruining my afternoon you cunts.

I made a difference here today,


About thecityfathers

We sit around all day stroking our beards, clucking our tongues and discussing what's to be done with this Homer Simpson
This entry was posted in Are you serious Bro?, Fun in Retail. Bookmark the permalink.

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