The Hangover of 1000 truths

5.42pm Sunday. I have just resurfaced after last night and I am absolutely fucked. Last night Past Steve made it his mission to drink Galway, all of it. I am not pleased with my past self. I woke up on a friends couch in Foster Court and I have absolutely no idea how I got there, I never blackout totally but I have finally done it. Now I have an Olympic standard hangover and my wallet is rather empty.

I was in mcswiggans, downstairs of the quays and then kellys before going to the upstairs of the quays at around 12ish I think? I’m no mathematician but I estimate that I drank eleventy thousand pints, I’m waiting on confirmation from the boys in the City Fathers lab on that one. Kellys was fun from what I can remember, but il come back to that!

The last thing I remember is being in the quays with my mate Oisin. Within seconds of meeting him I broke both of my drinking rules…I was that drunk. Firstly I refuse to go somewhere that charges on the door, it’s not being cheap it’s just a matter of principle. I can go anywhere else to do the same thing without paying ā‚¬10 in, kindly fuck off. Secondly I never, NEVER, drink spirits – especially shots. My body does not react well to them and they taste like Chernobyl babies tears and broken dreams. I cannot stress that second one enough. Ask anybody that knows me and they will tell you the same, I fucking hate them and refuse to do it. I could care less what people think it is the magic that is me.

So as I said within seconds of meeting Oisin I had paid ā‚¬10 into the quays and had a shot. I don’t know what got into me. I missed all of Paddys weekend due to illness so perhaps that’s what it was? I don’t know but I am thoroughly disgusted with myself. I have no memory of anything after that shot, it wasn’t the shot it was all the booze before that, the shot just compounded it all. I don’t know what happened after that but I’m sure I was the picture of class and decency.

How I made it to Forster Court is beyond me. Was I alone or did I walk back with the lads? Apparently I was at a house party in a different place after that…Past Steve must have had whale of a time! The only other time I remember being that drunk was last may after United beat Chelsea to pretty much win the title, I took this picture walking home to remind me never to get that drunk again.

20120325-071043 p.m..jpg

So now I’m back at my place and I just remembered why I left kellys. I was only there for one pint but it seems I made an impression on a couple of ladies…oh drunk Steve you old charmer! I was talking to a girl in the smoking area and we swapped numbers I think. Either way I have txts from her on my phone from last night. On my way back in from the smoking area I got talking to another girl who I also have txts from! There are texts in my phone from these contacts. You gotta love drunk Steve and his pratical thinking…

Ciara Kellys red dress
Sandra Kellys white top

I have changed the names because there is a very real possibility that I told them about this site! So Ciara text me at like 3am wondering if I was still around town but the Sandra wan is a better story. The text conversation (while still in Kellys) went like this.

Sandra – u still around
Steve – ya I’m at the bar, want a drink?
Sandra – No do you fancy heading away?
Steve – Interesting! Where to?
Sandra – Do you live nearby?
Steve – ya fairly close, food?
Sandra – no just you is fine šŸ™‚
Steve – haha oh you!
Sandra – ok meet me outside in 5mins
Steve – Cool.

It is at this point that Oisin got in contact with me and I must have forgotten to meet that girl because there are many texts after that wondering where I was! What the hell was I thinking? Curse you drunk Steve we could have had sex last night ya bellend! But no! YOU had to go to the quays with Oisin ya flute! If either of you are reading this could you confirm if you are hot or not? I cant remember so just email a picture to me, thanks.

So that was my night, I am collapsed on the couch and my back pocket is filled with coins. I am afraid to move incase I die and I have the easily the worst headache of my life. So what now? Do I go for the cure or do I wallow in the misery of my World Champion hangover? I am going to do neither…I think bed is the best option! Thank Giggs I wasn’t working today otherwise I would have to bust out my trusty warning signage.

20120325-071322 p.m..jpg

So as the old saying goes “I would rather eat glass than suffer through this hangover so I’m going to bed”

Beer, why do you hate me when I show you nothing but love?

You’re welcome,
Hungover Steve


About thecityfathers

We sit around all day stroking our beards, clucking our tongues and discussing what's to be done with this Homer Simpson
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One Response to The Hangover of 1000 truths

  1. Damien says:


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