*Cough *Couch *Sneeze *Cry Deeply
Uhhhh Man Flu is one bad ass mother! See all of the week commencing 5th march I have had a bit of a cold, nothing major and I paid no mind to it. The next week (this week) was a little worse…Monday and Tuesday were ok and then Wednesday was mixed. Then came Thursday…
Thursday was bad…I had three layers on at work and I usually find it very warm in there…I knew something horrible was about to happen, I could feel it in me watthhhers! I did the sensible thing and informed one of my four, that’s right four, bosses that I was not going to able to come to work on Friday. Seeing as I never call in sick or pull no-shows he knew I was serious and gave me Friday off. I began getting all of my Friday stuff done so that it would be ok to be off until I was informed that it wasn’t possible to have anybody cover for me…I was gutted and explained once again that I’m not the sick day type person, this is bad. But alas dear reader I dragged my ass out of bed on Friday morning to what I had feared…Strep Throat!! This has happened to me twice before so I was under no illusions of what sort of battle was ahead of me.
I coughed and it felt like I had been stabbed in the throat by Mike Tyson. I took a look in the mirror and my throat was completely closed…never good. Being the stupidly loyal employee I am I slowly made my way to work. I didn’t realise how bad this was until I attempted to speak…nothing came out! I eventually cleared something and I could speak to a certain degree. I sounded like I had a golf ball stuck in my windpipe which scared the customers but that didn’t last long as I told my boss I had to go home!
That was 11.30am Friday. I was in bed until around that time today, Sunday, and I am dosed to the gills on painkillers. I pretty much slept the whole way through, if only I wasn’t so ill I might have been able to enjoy it! Although I did bring my duvet downstairs to watch football yesterday and that was fun. I have not eaten anything proper since Wednesday, I’m surviving on soup, orange juice and water…boring. I also cannot smoke so you can imagine the kind of emotional swings I’m having! I am so hungry, save me jebus! Luckily with all the money I saved from not drinking or smoking all Patricks weekend Im planning the feast of a king!
So I hope you enjoy your hangover you lucky bastards! I would swap with any of you right now. You sit there smelling of broken dreams and curry sauce and have the cheek to complain about it? Fuck you all! A hangover is just for a few hours…I may need a new throat!
Have that Football League,
(It’s a Jeff Stelling reference)