There are few things in this world I hate more than Kanye West but a damn sales call during my lunch is one of them. UPC called today to ask if I was interested in improving my package. After I finished giggling wildly at that sentence I started to pay attention to the guy. To be fair he was a genuinely nice guy so it was hard to tell him to kindly fuck off.
Basically he explained that for an extra 10 euro a month I could upgrade my broadband to 50 meg and get a few other channels, one of them being RTEone +1….why would anybody want that channel? How would the ad go?
I was interested in the upgrade in the broadband but mine is ridiculously fast as it is and I live alone so what’s the point? I was interested in the new set top box though, this was included in the deal but the thing that ruins it is that you have to get a home phone! Everytime I call them I am offered the phone…I DON’T WANT IT!!!
I asked what other offers they had but they all included the phone, every single one! The more I told him I didn’t want it the more he insisted. I am genuinely concerned that the guy on the call is traveling to my house as we speak to cram a home phone down my throat! I think there must be a UPC warehouse somewhere filled with phones they found in a ditch and the warehouse manager is stuck for space.
So, I eventually came to a compromise with the prick and agreed to take the phone on certain conditions.
He said that was all fine, Steve was delighted! I thought “Wow, people are push overs when you pressure them! Damn it, I should have asked for a lollipop!” That was until he quoted the price. I was under the impression that we had come to an arrangement considering I eventually agreed to take their dumbass phone and that I have been with them for 6 years and bills are always paid in full and on time. I am paying €146 every two months and he said all of that would cost me €203! Are you serious bro?!
What the hell was that about?! Was he even listening? The bastard even had the cheek to charge me an “Installation Fee” for the HD box… What are you installing?! Everything is already here, all you have to do is plug one box out and another in, il do that for you!
If that wasn’t bad enough he then said there will be a “Downgrade Fee” for the broadband! Fuck you UPC! I have spent a fortune on your services and this is how you treat a good customer? If there was an good alternative broadband provider I would go to Sky tomorrow but alas there is not…sons of bitches have me by the balls.
I laughed at the guy and told him to cancel all of that. He seemed very confused by this until I had to explain it to him, this is what I said.
“You called me during my lunch break to offer me a better deal, correct? Your better deal was me paying €10 more a month for a home phone that I have already explained is of no use to me. That seems pointless to me. If you want to improve my service then give me the HD box and channels at no extra cost and I will not call Sky in the morning and leave you guys.”
They are calling me back tomorrow…winning!
I hate sales calls, they are so persistent but also very nice and I find it very difficult to hang up or tell them to go jump off a boat into a sharks mouth filled with razor blades and salt for the wounds. It’s like dealing with one of those charity muggers on shop street except on the phone. I am a salesman myself but I know when to stand off. These cold callers are horrible people…there is a section of Hell reserved for them called Fucktastica where they will be viciously beaten by smelly penises dressed as Nazis for eternity. My chicken roll went cold you bastard!!
Put that in your blog,