The Next England Manager

Well well well. Here we go again, the media circus around the next England manager begins. It’s always a lot of fun listening to and reading this garbage.

Now I do have to say this before I go any further. I have never, and will never, be one of these Anti-English people as personally I like the England team. I follow the English league and an English team so the thought of hating them makes no sense to me. I remember watching an England game in the pub one night and I was sitting near a guy who roared abuse at Steven Gerrard and others for the whole game. At half time he got up to go for a smoke, I was just behind him on the way out the door. It took me a few minutes to notice that he was wearing a Liverpool training top outside….laughable.

Now make no mistake, if Ireland play them in Euro 2012 I hope we knock them off the park and I will most likely be eating my words as I hurl abuse at the English!

Now back to the manager situation. The dogs in the street know that it will be Harry Redknapp. I’m sure he will finish the season with spurs and Stuart Pierce will pull care taker duty until then. No question, that will happen. The public want him and he wants it so there is no point even discussing it further…or is there?

It’s no secret that England are terrible in major tournaments. They always lose in the quarter finals on penalties or by being destroyed by a far superior team. The media hype them up for the entirety of the build up as potential winners and inevitably they fail miserably…and it’s hilarious. The English media pick their scapegoat (usually a Manchester United player) and that poor lads life is miserable for a year.

I have a solution to this anger-go-round we see every second summer. Lets get the media off the players backs and focus all the attention on the boss. Perhaps the players will see this and get behind the new man and show the world their obvious talent. And to be fair no matter who they bring in they will go out in the quarter final so who cares? Here are a few of my suggestions…

Neil Warnock

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You know you would love his press conferences! That’s about it really. Lord knows his players will play out of their skins for him regardless, he is one of the angriest people I have ever seen on a touchline and that should count for something right? Well they will be out by the quarters anyway so let’s have a bit of craic with it!

Eamon Dunphey

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Good ‘ol Dunphey. He has spent years damning people like Gerrard and Lampard saying they are useless. Why not give Eamon a chance to prove himself right? But if they do well could you imagine the piss up!!!

Steve Staunton

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He’s number one!

Ahh good old Steve. I heard he is 250/1 for the England job…that is a bit rediculous I think. Steve Staunton has constantly wowed the world with his results. It should also be noted that he really gets International Management.

“We are restricted up front but it’s not like we can go out and buy someone so we will just get on with it.”

Gordon Strachan

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This appointment would make me so happy. I love Strachan, not for football reasons or anything, but for his comebacks to reporters. Let’s face it, England will do terribly regardless so let’s at least have a manager in place that can deal with it.

So Gordon is there any area you feel the team struggled? “Yes the big green area out there”

Barney The Dinosaur

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A man of great integrity. Barney has exactly what it takes to be an international manager. He has the drive to improve players while also seeing the value of developing younger players. He is a believer in doing things the right way and I guarantee the players will respond to him. Let’s face it, if somebody has a poor game Barney will reassure the player that he is great and that he can’t just give up. That is the quality England need.

Master Splinter

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Ok ok ok. Fair enough. All my other suggestions were clearly a joke, I know that and you know that but it’s time to get serious. If England want to win an International tournament look no further than Master Splinter. He has proven over the years that he can get the job done. Who will ever forget the work he did with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?

He is a strong disciplinarian who believes in hard work. If you work hard for Splinter he will work hard for you. If the players need a pick up best believe he will be there for them. There will be no off the field issues to deal with as Splinter wouldn’t have it. He would ban twitter, boozing, sex and speaking to the media all for the benefit of the group.

He is a strong believer of a powerful attacking game while understanding that he also needs an organized defense. Sure, he’s had a few run ins with his boy Rafael over the years but I ask you…was that his fault? Raf would often run off or blow his lid but he always came back because he respected the boss. Rafael was a handful but Splinter would always turn him around and set him on the right path…perfect to deal with the John Terry problem.

Let’s remember that he turned a few mutated turtles from a disorganized slight of god into the worlds most fearsome fighting team. And remember that if the evil shredder attacks those turtle boys cut him no slack. That is what England need.

So those are a few of my suggestions, what do you think? Sound off in the comments below or contact me on twitter with who you think should be the next England manager. @thecityfathers is where to go…do it!

Put that in your blog,


About thecityfathers

We sit around all day stroking our beards, clucking our tongues and discussing what's to be done with this Homer Simpson
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