The Truth Behind Rory Leaving…

I’m sure you lot have read the piece below where Rory says an emotional farewell to Ireland. I hear Rory has been receiving fan mail wishing him luck in his new life abroad in ‘merica. Now while this is all fine and well for Mr.Monaghan it makes me sick to my stomach!

This website is, above all else, a fantastic example of excellent Journalism. And top end journalism is a quest for the truth. That’s what saddens me the most. Rory comes on HERE and fills you with lies and you people gobbled it up like a mangy dog feeding off scraps underneath the kitchen table. What is this place? The News of the World? Come off it!

Now while Rory has betrayed you with his falsehoods I, Steven Murphy, will continue to uphold the high moral and ethical standards of this fine institution. You want the Truth? You want the Truth? Ok, sound here it is.

Rory spouted off about “a new job” but that’s not the case at all. You see on saturday night Rory was witness to a despicable sausage roll theft. Now most of us MEN would stand up for what’s right and testify against the thief but not Rory. He’s too afraid to stand up in court and finger the culprit so he’s being placed in the witness protection programme and is moving to Pheonix, Arizona where his name will be Señor Nick O’ Time. That’s right! The truth hurts doesn’t it?

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You people will believe anything this guy tells you!

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“Ohh I’m so sorry to be leaving Ireland bla bla bla”

I ask you..does he really deserve your attention? This sissy boy was too scared to stand up for justice and I for one am glad somebody like this is leaving my great country. We don’t need his type around here.

So Rory “Señor Nick O’ Time” Monaghan lives it up across the pond in his pre-determined Witness Protection activities while the Irish court system is tied up for months? Are you serious bro?! That’s all I can stand I can’t stand no more. I call on you, the Irish public, to ridicule him at every opportunity. Spit in his food, pull out his chair and throw paint on his car. It’s the least he deserves. Rory Monaghan you disgust me.

Wait!!! Stop the presses!! I have just been called by the local cop station in relation to Rorys incident. It seems the phrase “Finger the culprit in court” confused the boy! The cops didn’t mean it literally Rory. But he did want me to tell you that it’s too late to go back on the move to the Witness Protection Programme…sad face for you.

I take everything I said back. Best of Luck ‘broad in the Shhhhtates buddy.


About thecityfathers

We sit around all day stroking our beards, clucking our tongues and discussing what's to be done with this Homer Simpson
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