So as detailed in the “About” page this is a friend of The City Fathers, Paul. He’s just as angry and funny as us (kind of) and he emailed me a rant which was turned into a blog! Anyways Paul has agreed to do a guest spot for us…enjoy!
Paul on People with Clipboards
Yup, those ballbags that are usually found standing outside a coffee shop, sipping on a mocha-lappa-fagga-chino, dancing on the spot and humming the latest Gaga abortion. That is until you make the God awful mistake of making eye contact with the fuckers whilst pacing by… then it happens..
Masters in the sweet science of being annoying as fuck. Knowing that a ‘Hi there!’ just won’t cut it. They instead jump out to block your path(while still dancing) Then begins the scripted ice breaker such as ‘Heeeyyy I like your scarf and oh is that hat from Topshop? Oh woooww thats awesome!’ or the classic ‘Can you spare 5 minutes… to save the world!!?’ You’d be surprised how many piss flasks that shit works on.
Now if you didn’t notice the clipboard that is temporarily out of sight and have not cut them off mid sentence at the very beginning well then you’re pretty much fucked. Nice goin dickfleece! You can forget about your lunch now because you have to go through the dance of them asking you pointless questions about your miserable everyday existence all so they can eventually tell you how your life will be oh so much more fullfilling if you complete the very simple task of disabling all intelligent thought by handing over your bank info so that a colony of blind Malaysian orangatans can one day, one beautiful day.. finally live out their dream of owning their very own recording studio. Fuck me…
I don’t mean to come across as a selfish prick here. Sure, charity work IS a very important and noble cause. I’m just not one for handing out bank details to a stranger on the street and i’m sure no-one is. How’s about they just give a quick jist of the charities mission, what it needs to stay going and where we can go if we want to donate/help out rather than guilt tripping us into signing on the dotted line.
Well that’s fantastic, a really smart decision, young man. We can put the money from your account into our charities account, then we’ll reinvest the money into foreign currency accounts with compounding interest aaaaaaaand it’s gone!
Why am I having this rant now? Well earlier when I headed out in the pissin rain to grab a sandwich on my miserable 10 minute break, I had the displeasure of encountering two clipboard wankers asking me to ‘step into their office’.. oh how clever! Well not really seeing as it was a fucking bus shelter! I made my lack of interest crystal clear to them ‘sorry, no time to talk lads’ and pulled out some change in my pocket to give to the homeless man that hardly had a stitch on him, shivering in the rain beside these suit wearing pricks. Seeing me doing so, one of them said sarcasticly to the other ‘Oh isn’t that nice? He’s got so much time to hand over crack money but no time for the starving people of (insert poverty stricken country here).
No fuckin way i was gonna let that one slide so I decided ‘Fuck lunch’ and had it out with these Chuggers(charity muggers). It was a heated argument but I reckon I got my point across to them and to all bystanders and that point is YES, I DO HAVE A MINUTE FOR THE CAUSE. BUT I DON’T HAVE A MINUTE FOR YOU.. YOU GOD DAMN CUNT SHIT DUMBASS PISS FUCK MEATBALL DICK COCK MOTHERFUCKERS!!! But as long as they can pull out the ‘you don’t care about the children’ card you might as well be arguing with the fucking wall.
I came, I saw, I blogged.