The Cynicists Movie Review: Avatar


Over the holidays this pile of crap was being splashed around tv screens. The media would have you believe it’s the masterpiece of our generation and has revolutionized the way movies will be made. Cooooooooooooooccccck! I paid hard earned money to go see this pile of dog shit in the cinema when it came out, I brought a long my turd of a girlfriend at the time so I paid twice. Oh and get this, I paid to see the fucking thing in 3D. So firstly, this was being boasted as the first purpose made movie for 3D in the new age and it supposedly took full advanatage of the effects and was breath taking. It started well, the Dolby Surround Sound Graphic and the countdown looked amazing. After that however I saw maybe 2 leaves that looked like they were projected towards me and nothing else. High Definition FTW!

So that aside let me blog on the movie itself. So Sigourney Weaver who is a passable actress was working on the Pandorra project and was a senior Scientist for it. She has concerns about how things are going and goes to the boss. Who then berates her and explains to her why the project is so important and how much this rock is worth. But the first thing I thought after this scene was…what the fuck was that about? She has worked on the project since the beginning, I get that he’s meant to sound patronizing to make him seem evil to the audience but surely there was a more clever way to explain the back story to the audience? My Intelligence was insulted right away.

Then there’s the first time our hero character gets into Pandorra and has an ecounter with some animals, he tries to shoot them but the bullets do nothing…Immediate thought, hmmmm.. Animals who can’t be killed by the only weapons they have and they appear right at the start…I wonder if they’ll come back later in the movie?…Oh James Cameron you pile of shit you…The ending to this movie was more predictable then Titanic you walking piece of Monkey dung. At least in Titanic we got the satisfaction of Leonardo Di Caprio dying a slow suffering death with his last image in life being Kate Winsletts ugly Elephant Man type head.

So What was good about this movie? Honestly nothing. The Computer Graphics did not seem all that much more advanced and revolutionary, the 3D was hugely disappointing, The Story was terrible and the movie was unbelievably long. Avoid this movie at all costs, it has nothing to offer. I give it 1 star because it distracted me from the inevitability of my own death for a few hours and almost made me embrace the idea of it. Suck It Cameron.


About thecityfathers

We sit around all day stroking our beards, clucking our tongues and discussing what's to be done with this Homer Simpson
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