The 27th of Fuckember

Retail brothers…lend me your ears! Wasn’t today awful? Today is the worst day of the year to work in retail. It is the day in which people bring back all the stuff THEY THINK does not work. Now there are a few cases where there was genuine confusion involved or a simple mistake is made. But for the most part people are just idiots. I continue to be shocked by the stupidity of people.

I can only describe my mood around lunchtime today as “Dangerously unapproachable”. I had transformed from lovable scamp into The Tazmanian Devil.

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I met some of the most hilariously stupid people today and I’m shocked that I’m shocked by it. Irish people don’t read Instruction manuals, it’s a fact. Irish people can’t use google, it’s a fact. Irish people don’t call friends for help, it’s a fact. If I had a product that wasn’t functioning correctly I would firstly check the manual. Failing that I would google it or call a mate that knew something about it. I recently fixed my washing machine by looking it up online, I should not have been able to do it but I did.

What I would never do is wait two days and then drag stuff back to the shop without bothering to sort it myself. Why would you bother unless you can’t fix it yourself. But a lot of the times its just that people are too stupid to perform the most simplistic of tasks. Or are too stupid to see warning labels…this is one mans story…

CRASH!!! An xbox is slammed on the counter…

Idiot – “This yolk isn’t working, I want a new one”

Me – “Ok what problems are you having”

Idiot – “Sher how would I know? The young fella said it won’t play games”

After a few minutes of this lively banter I figure out what happened. All the while he hasn’t even looked at me, he’s just staring off to the side.

Me – “Ya, you see all your games are scratched. Thats why they don’t work”

Idiot – “Sher how is that, they came that way so”

Me – “No. No. No, they didn’t. Did anybody move the xbox while a game was in it?

Idiot – “Ya I picked it up because it was making noise when the games went in. I had to shake the fuckin’ thing to stop it making noise.”

Me – “Ya…you see that’s why the games are scratched. The xbox is fine but you need to get the games repaired. I can do all of them for €6 for you.

Then all hell broke loose. He stared into my beady little eyes with the fire of a thousand suns! He was not pleased! We came to an arrangement in the end where he would not be charged the game repair fee and I would not smash his thick head in.

Seriously?! He picked it up and shook it to stop the noise?! When he boils the kettle does he pick that up and shake it too? Seriously now, seriously. This lad needs help. How he crosses the street unaided baffles me. Who ties his shoes in the morning and cuts up his sausages just the way he likes?

That is just one story from today. There are many others like it. Can you imagine others like that ape trying to use iTunes for the first time? Or performing a system update on a PS3. Or my personal favourite idiot today…the guy that couldn’t find where the games go in on a Nintendo Ds. How he has managed to reproduce is astounding…think about it…there you are. It’s a sex joke, a really funny sex joke. You can have that for free. I’m here all week.

I’m starting to think it’s time we have a national IQ test. A very basic IQ test. People that fall below a certain level will be shipped off to a vacant island where complicated things like matching colored cables and inputs don’t exist. They can go there and piss and shit all over the place until they discover fire leading to a self inflicted massacre…this would please me.

The way I was treated today by the general public will stay with me for awhile. I can take it and give just as good back but I have often seen people on their first or second day in a new job being screamed at by an arrogant twat even though it is the mistake of the customer that caused the issue.

“Have you ever heard the phrase the customer is always right?” was said to me today. I had to respond with “Yes I have, but in this case your iPod is working fine and the customer is wrong”

About half way through the day i was fit to walk out for many reasons (Another Blog is needed) so I decided not to put up with it. A few quotes from today….

“Yes, your Wii is fine. Read the instructions next time.”

“No!! Your PSP didn’t not come that way! The screen is broken!”

“Now you and I both know Santa isn’t real…I need a receipt…”

“No you need to turn up the volume so the sound will come out, it’s like a garden hose….you need to turn on the tap first”

“You have opened and used the console! We cannot refund you because you don’t like it! If you bought a pair of jeans and wrote your name all over it would you return it?”

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh fuck my life!!!!!

I’m off to drink a dangerous amount of alcohol and continuously bounce my head off the wall. Wish me luck.

Put that in your blog.

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About thecityfathers

We sit around all day stroking our beards, clucking our tongues and discussing what's to be done with this Homer Simpson
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