People that know me will tell you a few things about good ‘ol Steve. The biggest being that I’m “a whore for sour sweets”. I just love them. My favorite are sour wine gums…sweet Jesus they are beautiful.
Now if I’m in a shop and I see those wonderful drops of sour heaven you best believe I’m buying them, that exact thing just happened. Once I got home I whipped the wrapper off and began throwing them wildly at my face as I usually do only to be horrified at the results. They were not sour! This is the third packet in a row where this has happened. I am disgusted.
After I fixed the coffee table I threw at the wall I called my in assistant, Helenka. After I was serviced sexually I sat her down at the computer to type up my letter of complaint to Sour Sweet Towers as I paced back and forth smoking a pipe. It reads…
“Dear deceitful asshole,
I have noticed that the standards of your normally excellent sour sweets have dropped from the high horse it rides to the bank. Being a valued customer I expect you to sit there and take the hell I intend to unleash.
Perhaps you are unaware, as you are too busy spending my hard earned cash, but your wrappers no longer contain sour goodness, they have been replaces by LIES!!! I demand my sweets to be extra sour at all times good sir and I simply refuse to accept your shoddy workmanship. Kanye West would do a better job of producing sour sweets and he can’t even spell his own name!
You sit there on your thrown of sweets built using the cash of the common man while I put up with half sour sweets? Are you serious bro? Perhaps if you walk outside of your giant mansion once in awhile and see the looks on our faces you might change your ways. God you sicken me.
I am a reasonable man, I will accept a free pallet of sour wine gums as a token gesture but if this happens again you will hear from my legal team.
You sir, are worse than Hitler.
Steven Murphy Esq.
Dictated but not read.”
So iv done my part. I call on you, my disgusting public, to stand up for yourselves on this matter. Are you going to sit there and take this crap? This is an outrage and it simply will not stand.
If you let THE MAN away with this stuff you will get shafted every time.
Put that in your blog.