Metal Gear R.I.P

Ok so firstly Im sorry for how long this is going to be (hehehe) but if you are interested in video games and my incredible anger read on.

Ok so I’m a huge Metal Gear/Metal Gear Solid fan, there are very few people on the planet that are as obsessed with the series as I am. I have all of the games in my possession as we speak! Luckily the PS2 Subsistence edition of MGS3 had the very very very first “Metal Gear” and Metal Gear 2 : Solid Snake on the disc! That’s right, I have two editions of MGS3…word yo!

So there has been the “Metal Gear” series and the absolutely epic “Metal Gear Solid” series. Each in the solid series is better than the last, unheard of in video games. I still class MGS4 as the greatest game of all time. Metal Gear in the hands of the absolute genius that is Hideo Kojima changed the face of games and showed that they can be an beautiful artform.

But now there is the Metal Gear Rising series…gulp! Here goes…

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What the shit is this shit?! In 2009 when Rising was announced it looked nothing like MGS of old, thats fine. The idea of it being that Kojima would show why Raiden is now this bad ass cyborg ninja guy. Sounds like a plan? I think so. But that won’t be happening now. Rising has been canned and it is now called “Metal Gear Rising: Revengance” that’s right, that’s not a typo. Worst title ever. Now as I said I have no problem with the new style of the game, looks like great craic and I look forward to playing it to see if it works. It’s leaving the tried and tested “Tactical Espionage Action” to this new button bashing God of War type job. Nothing wrong with that I guess.

I have 3 major problems with this game though…here goes. I’m about the transform into the Tasmanian Devil.

1. Development has been passed over to a company called Platinum Games due to Kojima Productions struggling to build the game around the cutting mechanics. That is a huge red flag for me. If Kojima couldn’t make it work…who can? Platinum Games it seems? Remains to be seen.

2. Hideo Kojimas vision for the now canned “Metal Gear Rising” was to explain why the now main character Raiden is a bitching ninja mother fucker! It was to be set before MGS4 thus explaining his awesomeness in that particular piece of sexy magic on a disc. He went from the needy little cuntbag you were FORCED to play as in MGS2 to the coolest character in MGS4. That was all due to Kojima genius.

Platinum Games are now setting the game post-MGS4, forgetting what the point of the game was. What else will they just forget about? Which leads me to problem the third…uhhh. Deep breath Steve

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3. Remember Solid Snake? The greatest character in games history in my book. Solid Snake is a believable character in the same way that John McClane in Die Hard is believable, these things could conceivably happen. It is relatable at the very least and that is the ground that Metal Gear Solid has been built on. Great story lines set in believable scenarios with a lone bad ass up against impossible odds, every kids dream game right? Either Solid Snake or Big Boss was what you wanted to be. Kicking ass, frustrating the bad guys with your renegade ways and saving the world. When you were actually sitting at home scratching your balls. Huzzah!

There are so many things that I remember being drawn into over the series. The biggest being the incredible boss battles in MGS3 as Big Boss. Also the incredible Metal Gear showdowns as Solid Snake. None is better than that part in MGS4 where you end up crawling through a room with microwaves. The last heroic struggles of Snake. Everytime I talk to people about that they mention the panic they were in trying to keep him alive, hand by hand, knee by knee, Snake just about makes it. The sense of relief after that is something that makes Hideo Kojima a god. Snake battles on when he just cannot match the might of his opponents.

Raiden however is now so powerful I cannot understand where the challenge is. I have never been so angry watching a trailer as I was when I sat down to view “Metal Gear Rising: Revengance”

Raiden just zips around killing at will (against traditional MG ways) with nobody looking like being able to stop him. Then the iconic Metal Gear shows up. A giant robot capable of launching a nuke, usually that’s piss your pants time. Snake would struggle against its godlike power until finding it’s weakness and defeating it with life shortening consequences for Snake. In the trailer Raiden picks a Metal Gear up…throws it in the air and slices it with a sword.

This is such a slap in the face to fans of the series and it completely shits on Solid Snake. If you go back and play older titles after seeing that royal cuntbaggery Snake feels like a weak character because he cannot pull off such ‘shit in your cornflakes’ type stuff.

I cannot tell you how angry I am after watching that. What the fuck? Was talking to my mate Paul about this on twitter earlier and he brought up a great point. It is just as ridiculous as that game Vanquish. You had a power suit and you could pull off these ‘flip in the air, kill a robot, land, shag your mates sister, look cool’ type moves. Madness in a game that has the words Metal and Gear in the title.

Kojima is quoted as saying “I will play a small role in development and will ensure that it does not stray from the games roots” Step in Hideo, please! Don’t let this game happen. You canned the original Rising because it sucked… This game looks like it blows diseased monkey genitalia.

So those are my thoughts, I am sorry if you have no idea what I’m talking about. But video games and violent opinion on the subject is the magic that is me. To make it up to you here’s my usual Kanye West gag!

Kanye West should be shot in the left nut and let bleed for the crimes he has perpetrated against music and his gender. Even Kanye thinks it’s fair enough…

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Ok so that’s my lot. Fuck you all at Platinum Games, I hope your wives are shagging the gardener while you sit at work coming up with ways to piss off MGS fans. It feels like you have dart boards with my face on them at the office. Fuck you all. I couldn’t finish this off in any other way….

“Snake? Snake? Snaaaaaaaakkkkke!”

Put that in your blog.

Very Pissed Off Nerdy-Steve

About thecityfathers

We sit around all day stroking our beards, clucking our tongues and discussing what's to be done with this Homer Simpson
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