So it’s my birthday in two weeks and it’s becoming clear to me that I’m heading to the big 30 at a ludicrous pace. There are so many things I wanted to do before turn 30 and it’s time I made a start.
Now I’m not big on travel, fitness, career goals and all that useless crap, i just want the simple things in life. So the following is a list of goals I think I can achieve.
Punch Kanye West right in the balls.
Play for Manchester United (can’t be that hard these days)
Fake my own death. Then fist pump my way out of the coffin at the funeral to “September” by Earth Wind and Fire.
Bang Arsene Wengers head off a table.
Go on the piss with Enda Kenny.
Complete screenplay for “Football in the Groin 2”
Complete screenplay for “Football in the Groin 3D…ON ICE”
Figure out exactly what is “sooo raven”
Invent a new energy source, Stenergy
Have somebody explain to me (using small words) how a plane flys.
Stand up on a plane and scream “Were all gonna die!”
Make Sepp Blatter disappear…
Call a priest a cunt.
Propose to the bride on her way up the aisle.
Discover intelligent life on the Aran Islands.
Figure out who invented caramel and lick his/her face.
Stumble down the street in sunglasses with a cane and smack as many people in the legs as I can until the jig is up!
Slap Simon Cowell with a fish.
Take Wes Mantooths mother out for a nice seafood dinner and never call her again.
Run into a classroom and tell the kids Santa isn’t real, ha that’d be cool!
Enforce a “No Rihanna” rule.
Scream “you’re all wasting your lives” in a church.
Shoot a townie scumbag…A SMILE!
So that’s all fairly achievable I think. Il need a little help along the way but that’s what life is all about isn’t it? Putting up with other peoples bullshit?
Put that in your blog.