So here I am sitting at home and it struck me that after all the bull about the next president being elected, nothing has happened! That aul fella that looks like a 60watt bulb in a suit has been sitting on his old ass counting his money, are you serious bro?
I reckon I could do a lot more with that fat salary. I would create a better Ireland for my subjects, a land of great prosperity, a Stevetopia if you will.
The following is a list of stuff I would do if I was in charge. (And obviously this exists when the president actually has power)
After removing the country from the euro currency I will have my face printed on money. A new currency for a new reign. Because of my incredible looks it will become the most powerful currency on the planet. “Thatl be two Steves fifty” shop assistants will say.
Kanye West will be called over to my country on false promise of a “Stevehood”. The highest honor I can bestow. Then I will viciously murder him on live television. AND THE CROWD GOES WILD…Even Kanye thought it was a good idea.
I dislike having football booted into 2nd place in pubs on a Saturday due to rugby, it’s the most annoying thing and makes me want to club seals to cheer myself up. So to combat this… rugby coverage will be replaced by me sitting in a nightgown on a hospital bed saying the word “moist” for 80mins. That should stop pubs ruining the good times of the City Fathers on a Saturday afternoon.
Jeff Stelling will be forced to come to my place for a few cans and provide excitable cut away commentary while I play call of duty. “News from the fridge, another can!” he quips with his trademark crazy eyes!
Apart from the random beatings I would dish out on people that look at me cock-eyed and slapping rhianna with fish fingers on a daily basis that’s about it.
I feel like iv got more in me though, havent got the time at the moment…I have a country to run, await part 2 on the morrow.
Put that in your blog