People

So it was only a matter of time before I used this as an assault on the Irish public…the following people are gay… (Obscure Kent Brockman gag, who’d have thunk it?)

So iv been working in retail for 13 years and for the first while everybody was cool and I got on with customers. Then again for the first few years I was but a lad and the aul ones would fawn over my movie star looks and sparkling personality…true story. Now that I’m in my late 20s iv turned into a cynical bastard and the thoughts of answering “what’s the difference between a Wii and an Xbox” makes my skin crawl.

I find people to be incredibly rude 8 times out of 10. The instances remaining are genuinely nice people and people under the age of 30… #controversial

I sell video games for a living and I believe I’m an extremely good salesman. I used to enjoy it but over the years I have seen a shift from my youthful optimism. Usually in any job you have to put up with the odd few rude customers but it is now a full blown epidemic. The people of Ireland have turned into a rude, arrogant pack of cunts that look down on everybody but themselves.

Now this isn’t me bitching about customers I have dealt with. I find that when I go to shops the person behind the counter is a roaring cunt more often than not. I once bought a pair of jeans and realized when I walked out the door of the shop that I had bought the wrong size. I walked back to the girl at the desk and she acted like she hadn’t just dealt with me no more than 60secs previously…she hadn’t even served another customer since. Asked me for a receipt, check tags, tut tuted at my mistake and I haven’t gone there since based on her cunt-tacular performance. That’s 15-20 euro a year they will miss, yeeeeaaahhh BOI!

So after a day of being treated like shit by pricks iv decided to post a list of people you will come across while working in retail. This should also act as a guide for your shopping lives, never act like this band of idiots or I will come to your house and slap your mother. I will also suggest what I want to do to this person but can’t.

The “HOW MUCH IS THAT” customer.

This shaved ape will ask you a question about a product then quickly lose interest and ask a question about another product immediately. He didn’t even listen but continues down this primrose path 7 or 8 times.

WHAT I WISH I COULD DO…
After politely answering all of his questions and after he buys nothing I will force feed this thundercunt every item he asked about then slap him with a diseased fish.

The “DO ME A DEAL” customer

This customer usually is flush with cash and will let you know about it. He then will refuse to buy the product until you cut the price.

 

WHAT I WISH I COULD DO…

After slamming his head on the counter and burning any cash he has in his wallet…I would love to just flick his eyeball for an extended period of time until he passes out. This sums up my experience dealing with that person.

The “OUT OF WARRANTY BY 3 YEARS” customer

This angry beast will fight and scratch for so much as a euro compensation for his loss. If you refuse to return his Commodore 64 he will be pissed off unjustly.

WHAT I WOULD LIKE TO DO…

Calmly explain the situation to this numptie using small words while repeatedly kicking him in the balls.

The “FLAT OUT LIAR” customer

This prick will swear on his mothers grave that he bought this product in your store while trying to return it even after you have proved that he didn’t.

WHAT I WOULD LIKE TO DO…

I will smash his face with the product while convincing him that his wife is cheating on him with his dad.

The “HUSBANDS CREDIT CARD” girl

This is my most hated of all the vermin I deal with. This fuckwit has never worked a day in her life and married a lad with money. She regularly withholds sex to gain access to his card and spend silly amounts of money on useless shit. She will believe she is better than you even though you know she slept her way through college, all 3 months of it and found a lunatic willing to put up with her and her diseased offspring. Usually found on Child Benefit day…

WHAT I WOULD LIKE TO DO…

I will mentally destroy her. I will convince her that moneybags is sleeping with his assistant leaving him to pick up the shattered pieces. This teaches him a valuable lesson…never give your credit card away in your sexless marriage.

Il stop now as there are many more types to talk about after future bad days at work. This has been brought on by a narky cunt telling me today that “You’re sitting at home at night counting everybody’s money and laughing. You’re out of touch with the common people in this country” This was because I had to charge 22c for a bag after she had spent a whole €25.

I have not spell checked this as Im literally shaking with rage and have typed this in a fury. So if there are mistakes in spelling or grammar I don’t care so fuck off.

I hate people, I thoroughly hate people

Put that in your blog.

Angry Disturbed Steve

Advertisements

About thecityfathers

We sit around all day stroking our beards, clucking our tongues and discussing what's to be done with this Homer Simpson
This entry was posted in Fun in Retail. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to People

  1. 21outsonline says:

    “If you refuse to return his Commodore 64 he will be pissed off unjustly” Brilliant!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s