Ok so earlier I had a weird dream while I was half asleep on the couch. Enda Kenny came to my house to inform me that I have been deemed president of the world. He then tells me that all I have to do is sign the contract. I’m unsure so I ask a few questions about my role. Basically I don’t really have to do anything because in his words “You’re mighty young Murphy”
So Enda tells me I can do whatever I want but as I was half asleep/awake I couldn’t think of anything and woke up. Now that I’m awake iv got a few things I’d like to change as President of the World…
All members of Nickleback will be boiled alive.
All nightclubs should be 25% less packed when I go to one. Also I get to pick the music all night and when I walk to the bar the que will part like the red sea.
Rhianna will be forced to listen to her so called “music” on repeat for a period of 6 years 24/7. When her head explodes it will amuse me no end.
I will host a new reality talent show called “Strictly come slap Simon Cowell in the face with 12 different breeds of fish for 12 weeks…on ice” Each week the public will vote off the worst performing breed of fish and at Xmas the fish will mime slap him for charity…on ice.
David De Gea will be held down and shaved so he doesn’t look like a leaving cert student.
Guys who attempt to grow mustaches for movember, but cant really grow them but continue with it for 30 days and 30 nights, will be slowly walked off the plank of my new pirate ship.
Kanye West will be beaten to within an inch of his life…then a further 2 inches.
The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles will be reimagined on the silver screen with me as the lead turtle…Stevatello. My catch phrase will be “ahh man who stole my lighter” Then I fall down, repeatedly. The kids will love it.
I get to viciously murder John Terry on live television.
That’s all iv got for today.
Put that in your blog!